Nothing But Purple

I once went to a psychic in Texas who told me that I had a neighbor that served as "a little sex partner" for me. My neighbors at the time were as follows -- a hobbit-like man named Doyle who looked as if he'd leapt off the pages of a Joyce Carol Oates story in the role of pervert, an incredibly kind, very happily married, African-American Vietnam Vet who had lost both of his legs because the doctor had removed the wrong one (one had gangrene because of his diabetes) during surgery, and a closeted lesbian history teacher who had lived with the closeted lesbian librarian for as long as I could remember. I could not imagine having sex with any of my neighbors and told her so. One of them wants to be, she said, the crappy psychic fallback line to be sure. You could probably take your pick. Uh huh, I said, thinking that Doyle was most assuredly the worst of the lot and if he told me that I'd be more beautiful if I smiled more often and pulled the stick out of my ass, that I would gouge out his eyes with rusty needles. Later in the reading, she informed me that I spent a lot of time supressing rage. To loosely quote Hamlet, One needs no ghost to tell me this!

Alas, people are always telling us things we do not wish to hear. Once as I walked through a department store make-up section, a woman stopped me and my sister and asks if we want to see our damage. She had a machine that you put your face next to that lit up in different colors according to how bad things were. Beth loves that sort of thing and immediately tried it. Her face, by the machine's reading, was healthy beyond belief. How about you? the woman asked. I said no, but was pressured into it. Nothing but purple, she said. I've never seen so much damage -- poor nutrition, dehydration. I gasped in mock horror. You mean a steady diet of Dr. Pepper and low-fat Twinkies haven't done much for me? Maybe if I had smiled into the machine and surpressed just a little more rage, the reading would have turned out differently.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"I'm looking for a man that excites me as much as a baked potato." Eating

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: Drunks

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Wednesday!

68 days until The Sopranos!