Sunday, January 28, 2007

Welcome to the Dollhouse

Even as a person of faith or maybe because of that fact, I find the following joke to be funny -- a mother goes to a priest and asks him to pray for her son in his next boxing match. The priest says that he will but he adds, it'll help if the kid can punch. I used to have a Bozo the Clown blow-up doll that I loved to hit until he became deflated from my punches and kicks, and I cried and cried. What had been destroyed could not be made whole, I thought, although I don't think I articulated it that way -- I think I said, I'm never going to be able to hit a clown again. How wrong I was about that sentiment!

Bozo was the kind of kid's toy that parents hate and that a fun uncle or aunt will bring over --something that makes a lot of noise and/or causes chaos subsequently driving the parents to drink gin straight for weeks. The worst version of this type of toy was when my mother was in the hospital and her roommate had a child with a Screaming Stevie doll. The doll would yell at random points, I'm Screamin' Stevie and I'm the boss! The doll was made by Matel, although I think it was designed by Satan for Matel, much the way Isaac Mizrahi designs for Target now. The last doll I bought for an adult was a Krusty the Klown doll from Krusty's appearance on "Treehouse of Terror." Krusty had three settings -- good, bad, and both good and bad. The good Krusty said things like, I'm Krusty the Klown and I love you very much. The bad Krusty said things like, Shut your hole! He was usually on the middle setting so you never knew what was going to come out of his mouth. It could be a message of love, it could be a hateful little ditty. At a certain point, I hated Krusty, all smug in his Conspiracy Museum of Dallas t-shirt. I bought the little bastard that shirt! He wasn't a tiny doll, but he was no inflatable Bozo either. It would have helped if I could have punched.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"My mother always said love would set me free, but I've been a prisoner because of my love for you." Bride of Chucky

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: Hannah and Her Sisters

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Sunday!


Anonymous said...

We are all so Krusty in the middle setting, aren't we?

Anonymous said...

You make me feel deprived, I never had a blow up clown to punch and kick to death as a child.

But their were enough kids in my neighborhood who thought I was that blow up clown and now all these years later I know that they did kill something in me, letting all of the air leak out.

I am happy that duct tape was not in general use in the early to mid 60's.

I disagree Susan, I still think of those people as Krusty stuck in the hateful setting, when I bother to think of them as individuals that is or at all. I can honestly say that i have no animosity towards those children, because I realize thats what it was children; doing what children of the corporal punishment generation did.

What I really don't understand is why did the blow up clown keep popping back up for more?

Now the Screaming Stevie doll which I have never heard of would have had a contract out on his ass because like Edward G. Robinson said in one of his less memorable movies ."I"M the boss here see and if any of you mugs want to change that..."

Screaming Stevie being all words and no action would have been scheduled for a rapid accidental overdose of Morphine, especially if I was in the same place as where Michelles Mother was or my own either.

God knows how stupid people could be and allowing some child to be amused by a toy of that nature in a hospital seems to rub me raw just reading about it. Even though when my biological children were young I would send them back to their mother with things like a firehelmet that had a siren and light on it or something of that nature.

But just to help you out and because I have had a lot of practice bouncing back, Michelle next time we meet,we'll put some Mozart on and you can bring the clown paint and (no the mustache stays) and you can paint my face and have a few swings and kicks just remember your clown had no genitalia so there has to be one restriction on your need to swing away at something.



Anonymous said...

Oh yeah by the way just out of curiousity is the time on your PC set correctly?

Oscar Winner said...

Michelle, you have such excellent taste in movies sometimes. "Hannah and Her Sisters" is brilliant. It might be my favorite of all time Woody Allen movie. Woody falls in love with his girlfriend Hannah's sister. And all the trials and tribulations that ensue--artsy New York at its Woody finest.

Oscar Winner said...

The sub-plot of the Barbara Hershey-Max von Sydow relationship is especially well done and played brilliantly by these two veterans. In fact, the film is a tour de force of quasi-ensemble chutspah.

Milton Bradley said...

Your knowledge of toys is immense, Michelle. I remember the Screaming Steve doll also. It came with a unique(for its time) accessory feature--the miniature Depends feature. It was a special doll for sure. Thanks for bringing back a special memory for me.

Anonymous said...

I'm fairly certain I had a Bozo as well. I know I had a Darth Vader, but I never hit him because...well, Darth was my hero. Now, Luke Skywalker? His punk ass wouldn't have lasted a day.

I almost bought the Krusty doll, despite my aversion to dolls and clowns, but his evil setting was too censored and it made me angry. Instead, on top of my 'puter I keep a Krusty figure accompinied by Silent Bob on one side and Buddy Christ on the other.

Tim said...

I got one of those stand-up punching bags for one of my kids. The weighted bottom gave it a lot of leverage to swing at his brother when he got mad, and an air-filled thing like that is naturally something to play G.I. Joe with a bayonet, so it didn't last long.

Anonymous said...

It's good to be aware of which clowns are inflatable and not to wollop loved ones who -bling!- into momentary fools.
~It's been a weird day so far.

paul said...



Anonymous said...

Chucky was scary as hell wasn't he? Maybe that's why I never bought any dolls for my daughters... of course, they never asked for any, either.