Thursday, January 18, 2007

It Poisons Everything


I saw my first Valentine's decoration yesterday -- a small heart wreath on the outside of someone's window. I was with a friend who hates the holiday even more than I do, and we railed against it for a few minutes. We haven't even finished recovering from Christmas and now the stores are filled with pink and red. It poisons everything, my friend said. We were on Van Dyke, passing a hotel called the King Richard. Let's just say The King has seen better days. It's what I call an afternoon affair hotel, where you sneak off to shoot drugs or sleep with your best friend's wife on an extended lunch break. To cheer my friend up, I said I'd write a Valentine's story at The King where the adulterous lovers snuck off on VD day (as my friend Hank used to refer to it) and walked hand in hand to the Stardust, a liquor store with a beautiful name that spoke of an ethereal, fleeting loveliness, but like The King, had morphed into a pitstop of desperation. They'd cart a bottle of cheap champagne back to their room and squeeze everything they could out of the few stolen hours to profess their love.

The story wouldn't be at The King, though. I'd start with one of the two at home, having to go through the motions of his or her life and pretend as if The King had never happened. The King would be the highlight, the most beautiful and exciting part of the day and by five o'clock, it would all be over and ordinary time would start. Maybe they'd have to give a token Valentine to their spouses and pretend like everything was fine. This evening scene would be so depressing that you'd realize that one is punished by the sin, not for it. The next day, the candy hearts would haunt the stores, all marked down. You could get them for almost nothing if you waited long enough.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Protect me from what I want." Jenny Holzer

Cocktail Hour

Drinking reading suggestion: Adult Bookstore Karl Shapiro

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Thursday!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Piss on Valentines day and all the other Hallmark holidays.

Maybe i am bitter because hallmark Inc. never accepted my love words for one of their cards...Damn them hhahahahahaha.

now my sign in code letters sound out like you kid what the fuck is this a conspiracy against the prick?

Anonymous said...

"...punished by the sin, not for it."

Loved that line. Maybe it can be my valentine's date!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Susan. Great line. And I hope everyone takes this as a sign not to wish you happy valentine's day.

Anonymous said...

"punished by the sin, not for it" definitely stuck with me, too, Michelle. We've all been punished a time or two, eh?

Tim said...

That's probably a pretty accurate description of scenarios that play out on Valentine's Day.

Hey I love the video! I hope you do more!! It's nice to hear the voice that goes with the pretty face in all your pictures.

Anonymous said...

Hey Michelle,

Sometimes nothing's more satisfying than a nice story of romantic love ripped to shreds. Cathartic too, and possibly helpful in keeping reality away from the calisthenics of a moody heart.
I was just writing about how sometimes I have the greatest urge to fuck it all up. You know, whatever it is. Sometimes it's just like that.

~I'm still enjoying your words.~
-Dawn

paul said...

Cajun Q
funny story
cranky friend
loserinlove?

Mighty Isis
Foxy Lady D
winninghand
R2 C2!

Anonymous said...

I have a Midterm on Valentine's day... at least I don't have to make plans for an expensive dinner or try to be overly loving. I love when my boyfriend spoils me but Feb. 14 is just another day. Although the flowers are so beautiful in all the stores!

Laura said...

Actually, I like Valentines day. You see, Valentines day is mine and Sweetest Day is Sheila's. Let me clarify this. When Sheila was a baby, my husband and I decided that he would buy for me on Valentines because I am the love of his life and he'd buy for Sheila on Sweetest Day because she is his little sweetheart. It's been that way ever since. Now I thought when she grew up and had someone of her own that this would stop, but now on Sweetest Day, she gets from both my husband and her boyfriend and I get zip. Somehow in the mix, I believe I got ripped off.

Anonymous said...

hello, michelle. i discovered your blog through mr. gramlich, so please blame him. i often send him postcards with obscure horoscopes taped to the back. who knows what he he will get on fe. 14th...

NattyBumpo said...

I don't remember even how I stumbled upon your blog, however, now I cannot leave. You have the most marvelously twisted mind that I have found. It's not that it is dark by design, it's there by choice, and I love it.

Also, this is why I don't believe in sin. You can't be punished by something that doesn't exist...

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ah yes--going through the motions--but still writing nonetheless. Your words never ceases to amaze me.

Rudolph Valentino said...

I miss the silent era.

Anonymous said...

Great post! I mean I really loved it, Michelle! I think I'll end up gagging, this year, on one of those litle hearts that says something like be mine. I think VD day is much more appropriate. You know, that little cupid is like a little annoying wasp flying around with his stinger errect - they should sell swatters in the form of hearts to stop him!
The sin is the punishment - Oh Yeah! That is what John Lennon refers to as instant karma!
No, I'm not too bitter! LOL

Anonymous said...

Great post! I mean I really loved it, Michelle! I think I'll end up gagging, this year, on one of those litle hearts that says something like be mine. I think VD day is much more appropriate. You know, that little cupid is like a little annoying wasp flying around with his stinger errect - they should sell swatters in the form of hearts to stop him!
The sin is the punishment - Oh Yeah! That is what John Lennon refers to as instant karma!
No, I'm not too bitter! LOL