Sunday, December 31, 2006
Spells for the New Year
Once a friend of mine explained to our writing workshop class about an exercise that her therapist had given her in loving herself and exercising the pain of self-hatred. She had to spend five minutes a day in front of the mirror and say, I love you, I love you so much, self! All of us in workshop were a grim and surly lot (why else would we be in a graduate fiction class?), and we all laughed. It would take copious amounts of alcohol for any of us to remotely like ourselves, much less love. Loving herself had been my friend's new year's resolution, and she'd been unable to even work herself up to a mild infatuation by March.
As a child, I loved resolutions -- they appealed to my sense of the clean slate. I would stop day dreaming so much, I would clean my room more, I'd stop losing things, I would try not to look like such a ragamuffin all the time. None of those lasted past a week because change is either a slow and miraculous thing, the road to Damascus stuff where you're struck down and blinded or for the rest of us, a day by day gruel to change our habits. The slightest vow, taken seriously, can change your life and bring out all the demons that keep us from what we want. So when I make effort for change, I know I'm in from a wild ride. I haven't made a resolution in years unless you count casting a few good luck spells to bring in happy energy. When I look in the mirror, I don't try and love myself, but I do try to squint a little bit as to see more myself in a kinder light if not a clearer one.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I want to confess as best I can, but my heart is void. The void is a mirror. I see my face and feel loathing and horror. I live now in a world of ghosts, a prisoner in my dreams." The Seventh Seal
Drinking movie suggestion: Little Miss Sunshine
Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy New Year's Eve! I'll be posting hangover cures tomorrow. Be safe and careful tonight!