Sunday, December 17, 2006

Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble



















The worst gift someone I knew received was a bunch of work-out clothes and a step aerobics video. The gift was from her dad and when she was opening them he said, Now you can do something about that ass of yours. Merry Christmas, baby! Gifts are a reflection of ourselves, our feelings, who we are, and our sense of the other person -- it's a lot to pin on something you pick up while manically searching Target on the Thursday before Christmas. New couples are in a particular bind having to face the Where are we in the relationship question? A student once told me she received a scrapbook from her boyfriend forecasting every event of their lives together and even putting pictures of their "children" (computer-simulated versions of what these gremlins might look like) and ending with matching tombstones. I suppose now that you can buy coffins at Costco, a dreary journey in a dreary place (who can possibly face those industrial-sized jars of peanut butter?), he could have even gone so far as to put a down payment on their future.

Although when you've been with someone a long time, it's still tough -- you've run out of all the cool stuff that you know they'll love. I once had a boyfriend who bought multiple copies of The Love Poems of Kenneth Patchen for gifts. Every time he saw one used, he'd purchase it to squirrel away for his next new love even while with his current love, i.e., me. The poems are all about how Patchen's wife is the only one for him and other such pablum. I have my copy that I received with great excitement, especially when he said he needed to take it back so he could write something "personal" in it. My heart leapt with joy. Something personal! Mind you, this was a man of few words so any words were welcome. I took the book back and sat down on my bed to read it. It said "Enjoy." That's it. I shook off my disappointment and laughed out loud. Enjoy, indeed. I hope everyone who got a copy did and does. Who says you can't step into the same river twice?

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"It's strange how the simple things in life go on while we become more difficult." Richard Brautigan

Cocktail Hour

I never realized how lovely tequila could be since most of my early experience was with El Torro! And those horrible bottles of mix with tequila already in them. I'm all for time-saving devices, but this is drinking, people! Have you no pride? If you're that eager to get the drink down your gullet, you need to reevaluate your priorities. This said, I never realized that certain tequilas could be sipped as they are so very smooth. My suggestion for this is Milagro. It means miracle in Spanish, and I'm not inclined to disagree.

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Sunday!

33 comments:

Mr. Bubble said...

Don't do this to me, baby. "Macbeth" was not one of my finer undergraduate literature moments. I was stuck on someone in the first row. I have to throw myself to the Detroit Lions. I'll be back.

Loser said...

Jon Kitna of the Lions just turned my stomach, much more so than any bad tequila ever could. I'm so fortunate to have your Spell to turn to in times of stress and need. I know I'll always find comfort and joy wherever you are, Michelle. Peace, babycakes. Merry Christmas.

Oscar said...

Dear Michelle,
You deserve the Oscar for that photo. Yours.

Rodney Dangerfield said...

I wouldn't mind sipping and dipping with you, Michelle, if you know what I mean. I went to the Roman Polanski lifeguard school, if you know what I mean.

Muff diver said...

What a way to go.

Special said...

Snakes can drown if they open their mouths in water.

Sister Peter Marie said...

Swim time is over. Wring your suits out, boys and girls.

Fr. Damien said...

Meet me at the rectory for a Milagro

John Ricci said...

Dear Michelle, such a lovely view and amusing post as always. The old friend sounds like a winner and it goes without saying that such a nice girl like you deserves better and charmier treatment. To you darling woman, Bravo!

Anonymous said...

I turned into such a romantic re-re lately, I am clueless as to what to get my GF. Five years of Christmas is harder that five months.

Anonymous said...

Wow that has got to be the first time I have heard about a guy doing the whole scrapbook thing! hehe I always freak about what to get someone for Christmas. There is what you want to get, what you think they might like, and what your money allows you to buy.

Freaky said...

I'm positively fascinated by industrial size jars of peanut butter. But this is the really strange thing--I've never, ever been to Costco. But now I must go. You turn me on in such interesting ways, creamy one--and crunchy one, too.

The Walking Man said...

"Ah well stupid comment made from the dick are just as acceptable as those made from the brain"
The Walking Man (c)

I have found the solution to all gift giving, it avoids malls and boutiques, and shops of every flavro excpt the dollar store..everyone i give gifts to gets a card and all of my shopping happens at the bank. If i were to have to shop and buy something that really let most people know what I think of them...well they would get a card and some cash.

It's the old lady that is the hard one after 23 or so years what do you get that she would like, use, wear or appreciate. one year i got her a beaver parka trimmed in white fox, she rarely wears it "it's too warm, bulky" etc..and one year i got her a set of Craftsman handtools she loved it and uses them a lot and there has been everything in between.

A card with cash would mean nothing seeing as i give her 95% of all the money we have anyway so that's out. i refuse to go to the malls this time of year and most every other time too whinning like a 4 year old to get whomever i am with to hurry up and get me he fuck out of there. So what to get...nothing. Love, my love for her is stronger this year than last and twice that than the year before so nothing sounds about right to me.

Gabe Heater said...

I'm seriously starting to think that I'm just not spending enough time in a hot tub.

Jesus said...

Love is the ultimate gift.

Minerva Portillo said...

You look so hot, Michelle.

Janelle Fishman said...

She not only looks hot, she IS hot. I have to literally slap my boyfriends to keep them from looking at her. Most of them are addicted to her blog.

Short bus said...

We want the Spell. We want the Spell. We want the Spell. We want the Spell, etc.....

Al Goldstein said...

Your photo has left me speechless. But I'm sure I'll come up with something, Michelle.

Old with insurance said...

As soon as I take this Viagra, I'll come up with something, too.

Cunning linquist said...

I love you, Michelle. It's as if you're saying, "You want pussy? I'll give you pussy!" Brilliant and beautiful, baby.

For display purposes only said...

My mother brought back a bottle of tequila from Mazatlan that had a worm in the bottom of the bottle. This was no accident. This particular brand of tequila was famous for its worm, as I was told by my hispanic friend, Dr. Alberto Nacif(MD, Wayne State University). You can look him up.

Tiffany said...

Dear Michelle,
The title of your post(It's from Mr. Shakespeare) sent me to this quote from Emily Snyder: "My best wishes to all who delve into the wonderfully rich world of Shakespeare. And my fondest regard for all brave enough to examine their own souls to light others, not to dusty death, but to everlasting life." Your teaching this semester has lighted my life, Michelle. Thank you.

DesignByRazor said...

As far as the pre-mixed sort of Tequila is concerned, I will suggest something called "Tarantula." You can buy it at Meijer. I, myself, prefer the Strawberry Margarita flavor. It goes down dreadfully easy.

~Jessy

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Налоговики - миллионеры... БУСАРЕВ ВЯЧЕСЛАВ ВАЛЕНТИНОВИЧ Украина, АР Крым, г.Симферополь.

Не для кого не секрет, что экономика Украины в настоящее время находится в кризисе. Не смотря на это, есть специалисты, которые под ширмой государственных служащих работают против государства, которое доверило им занимать высокие должности, оплачивает достойную заработную плату, но …?!
Одним из таких деятелей, является БУСАРЕВ ВЯЧЕСЛАВ ВАЛЕНТИНОВИЧ - председатель налоговой службы АР Крым. Личность, которую можно поставить в пример многим политикам, ведь Вячеслав Бусарев получил старт в карьере государственного служащего когда у власти была Партия Регионов, однако, остался при должности и до настоящего времени, когда Партия Регионов находится в оппозиции, а все почему?! Все очень просто, В.Бусарев работает на свой карман, а не для бюджета Украины, «кормит» вышестоящее руководство ГНА Украины и остается «своим» при любой власти в стране. Перейду к конкретике, подтверждающей все выше изложенное.
Существует такое понятие «налоговая яма», это предприятие, которое создает затратную часть предприятий-контрагентов посредством предоставления им налогового кредита. Проще говоря, помогает предприятиям контрагентам завышать свои затраты, тем самым минимизируя уплату налогов в бюджет, а иногда при миллионных оборотах предприятий сводит уплату налогов в бюджет к нулю. Как Вы понимаете, деятельность таких предприятий должна быть незамедлительно пресечена налоговой службой, но, под непосредственным контролем В.Бусарева на территории АР Крым были созданы и помогали скрывать налоги предприятиям Крыма и некоторых регионов Украины следующие «налоговые ямы»:

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ООО НТК «Энерго-тайм» (код 33898770);
ООО «Фотон 102» (код 34861343);
ЧП «Керчмет» (код 34908260);
ООО «Партенитинвест» (код 34938871);
ЧП «СЛС-груп» (код 35736934);
ООО Салтовский хлебзавод» (код 36165787);
ЧП «БУД-ТИС» (код 36165420);
ООО «Тенси» (код 36165070);
ЧП «Крым-строй-ТИС» (код 36165106);
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ЧП «ТИС» (код 36165064);
ООО «Т.И.С.-строй» (код 36165038);
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ЧП «Крымтисстрой» (код 36165174);
ООО «Южсаппорт» (код 36275069);
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ЧП «Крым строй поставка» (код 36478440)
ООО «Консалавто» (код 36478990);
ЧП «Сервис-Крым-Сбыт» (код 36583473);
ЧП «Крым-Сервис-Сбыт» (код 36583447);
ЧП «Сбыт-Крым-Сервис» (код 36583384).

Почему то, при якобы тотальном контроле со стороны налоговой, указанные выше субъекты без проведения проверок перестают работать, а на их месте создаются в один день от трех до пяти подобных предприятий, при чем регистрируются в один день, на одних и тех же лиц, также в один день выдается свидетельство плательщика НДС, при отсутствии расчетных счетов в банках.
Все вышеуказанные предприятия «помогли» своим контрагентам скрыть от налогообложения сотни миллионов гривен, а это бюджетные деньги страны. Соответственно, за «спасибо», т.е. бесплатно, указанные предприятия не существовали бы. Поэтому предприимчивый В.Бусарев обложил данную деятельность «налогом в свой карман», а именно, ставка этого «налога» составила 0,8% от валового оборота деятельности каждого из указанных предприятий, а это в итоге миллионы гривен. Но, как Вы понимаете, без поддержки сверху, такая «деятельность» не существовала бы. Поэтому В.Бусарев должен отдавать некоторую часть денег заместителю ГНА Украины В.Кайзерману, который взамен, за это поддерживает В.Бусарева и ежемесячно либо снижает планы поступления налоговой Крыма в бюджет, либо при угрозе его невыполнения корректирует в сторону уменьшения.
На указанном примере работы В.Бусарева, становится понятно, каким образом налоговики становятся миллионерами.

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