Wednesday, December 06, 2006

How To Sleep Alone


When I was newly single, my dear friend Shawn and I went to play Putt Putt golf on one very hot Texas afternoon. I'd only played once before and never since and my score was not good, so not good that I made Shawn promise to take the number to his grave. He promptly threatened to tell everyone because he is a writer and that's how writers are. I am as guilty as anyone else and consider myself coming from a long tradition of charming blabbermouths -- according to the one of the few biographical materials available on Raymond Carver, he was known to repeat everything, not in a malicious way, mind you. Let's face it -- it's hard to resist a good story. And as Oscar Wilde once said, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Still, I want my Putt Putt score kept private.

Shawn and I had many good laughs in those days about my new free state -- we once saw a book for children titled, How To Sleep Alone. In it, it had bedtime rituals for those children transitioning out of the family bed into a bed for one, presumably just in time for the parents to resume their severely truncated sex life and give little Skippy a brother or sister, and the child received a gold star for every night he or she successfully slept without anyone else. Shawn joked that he should buy the book for me. I would have done well with the gold stars -- I responded to that sort of system for years, being a good girl at heart or at least so afraid of being bad that I couldn't bring myself to do anything but. Years passed, things changed or the years changed me. I wrote a story about not being able to sleep alone, a story in which the narrator who might resemble me a tiny little bit puts herself in a lot of danger and misery because of this fact. Maybe she just needed the right book.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats." Diane Arbus

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: Kinsey

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Shawn! All love to Bamms from your eternal Pebbles!

20 comments:

Walter Burkemo said...

My putt putt friends would always cheat by repositioning their balls.

Goldfinger and Odd Job said...

We never cheat at golf--ever.

Odd Job said...

Jill Masterson wanted to sleep alone.

Marquis de Sade said...

I thought I was an aristocrat until I spanked that chambermaid much too hard. I was rewarded with plenty of time to write.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Sweetie. Love you!!! Our secret to the end. Bamms

T.C.Boyle said...

Kinsey was quite a prick.

short bus said...

Can you get Shawn Connery's autograph for me? Sixth request.

Mary Cheney said...

I'm pregnant!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't think I have ever played fair at Putt Putt. I do remember one time I did make a hole in one though. It was the most awesome thing ever! And has never ever even come close to happening since.

Tim said...

That book might be useful if it kept the kids from waking up in the middle of the night and stumbling back into their parents' bedroom while they were trying to rediscover a normal sex life. If so then I could have used it a few years ago... actually it might still come in handy.

paul said...

CajunPebblesPrincessQueen
FoxyLadyontheScene
Rock on littlesweetheart
R2 C2!

Laura said...

I remember the first time my father and I took Sheila to play putt putt with the boys. Sheila was only 2 years old and armed with a club. Needless to say, I let my father show her the ropes and she kept hitting his chin instead of the ball. Thatnks for the memories.

John Ricci said...

Dear Michelle, another lovely view and post as always. The thought of you and your birthday friend playing putt putt is charming, especially your secret score. It is such a lovely image. A champagne toast and Bravo!

The Walking Man said...

216 and it was only a nine hole putt putt course. There I told P~~~~~~~~~; but i'll never tell how i know this.

If you get gold stars for sleeping alone then my dog owes me about 4 years worth. With all of the fusions in my spine i sleep on the futon because the matteress is stiff enough to be somewhat comfortable and the old lady sleeps in the bed on the matteress we bought that we hoped would have been stiff enough but turned out leaving me looking like a comic book character named "pretzel" so the dog now gets my side of the bed and she is very happy with it.

I am sure my wife is happy too because she doesn't have to deal with a lesbian dog or my perpetually cold feet (yes I am a lesbian; I prefer female companionship)



People who go through life avoiding traumatic events aren't going through life they are simply using valuable resources without paying for them.

Peace

JR's Thumbprints said...

I don't need to read that book. Due to my loud snoring, I sleep in the next room over. Some people are easily trained.

Tegan said...

wow, I seriously need to read that book. Any idea where I could find it???

You wouldnt not believe how bummed out I am that you won't be teaching next year. I was looking forward to taking creative writing, ah well, guess I just have to wait another year.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I have some stories...some I need to hang on to until I can write them with a bipartisan spirit.
And about your golf score...one can either succeed famously or fail successfully! Seems you did the latter. Post it and celebrate how well you sucked!
We should all do the same - post something we suck at so brilliantly well.

The Walking Man said...

I suck brilliantly at not shifting from fourth to fifth gear because I keep forgetting that Poetry in Motion (you'd have to see her to understand her name) is a five speed transmission not a four speed.

you'll never guess who said...

Wow, so far back this takes me. Glad to see it again since I typed it for you from handwritten scratch.

Email me if you read this!
I'd be shocked.

heck, you might not read this at all so I should say something I've been holding back for a long, long while...
?
...well, it seems that I've held nothing back from you, really. You know everything relevant about me! We don't even have to say words in order to talk.
Congratulations!!! Glad to have a friend like you.

guess again said...

that is to say it came from some gifted, wonderful structured and worded hand-written scratch that I was happy to help with.

You do happen to be my all-time favorite employer, m.