Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Do You Have Your Xanax?

There's a Raymond Carver story where a character proclaims something to the effect that it's the day after Christmas and he hopes he never sees another one. I can't say the same, although I understand the sentiment. Christmas is a mini-post-partum depression followed by the horror of New Year's Eve. Don't even get me started. One of the most interesting new year's celebrations I hosted ended with one of my exes in my clothing hamper basket that rested in the bathroom of my then-apartment. Why, my friends asked, are you in the hamper? Because I like it here, he said. I feel okay here. He was well into his cups by then and surrounded by my dirty clothes. So there was that. Also that was the night I found out one of my other exes hanged himself in his parents' house. Sometimes there is not enough booze in the world to make a difference. I don't remember my response, only that I was drying a fork at the time, a cheap tiny fork that I had bought after my break-up with Hamper Boy while I was out divorce shopping, replacing all the shit that I had lost because I didn't have the heart to demand it back. All I've ever mostly wanted in the division of the things are my clothes and my computer. So that fork remains in my memory, but I don't remember if I cried or if I said anything or if I pretended that I didn't hear. I do remember pouring myself another drink -- who says one shot of vodka in a glass of orange juice is enough? If a little is good, more is better -- three shots seemed about right.

There's always a time in gatherings and drinking when things switch to the dark side, as the movie Sideways posits it. Don't drink too much, Miles -- Do you have your xanax? I don't want you to switch to the dark side! I try not to do this, but I fear the holidays have a way of encouraging it. The man that died had been troubled and brilliant, and I had loved him deeply despite the fact that I didn't have to look for evidence of his chronic philandering; I had to ignore it. If there had been any room in the clothes hamper, I might have been there after a few more drinks. The holidays would soon be over -- the casualty list was long. Once a long-time mentor and friend that my friend Hank and I both adored killed himself on Christmas. I wondered why and Hank replied, You never know how much pain someone is feeling. In the case of our mentor, the pain had been physical. That's something everyone understands and forgives, I suppose. The rest of us are left to keep lifting our glasses until we collapse, only to start all over again.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

“After that first trout I was alone in there. But I didn't know it until later.” Richard Brautigan

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: The Squid and the Whale

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Tuesday! Hope everyone had a really lovely holiday!


Jack Kevorkian said...

When I get out, come on over to my place for a triple shot. One of my specials. Happy New Year!!!

Thomas Pynchon said...

You're suffering entropy over that Carver guy, baby. At least you had a hamper.

Louis Vuitton said...

Papa's got a brand new bag!

Lassie said...

Timmy's fallen in the well, and I can't find my Xanax.

Tender Vittel said...

Two choices: shit or go blind.

Norman Mailer said...

Why can't I deal with Michiko without being a prick?

Hugo Boss said...

Send her a lovely fashion gift.

Chanel No. 5 said...

Or an alluring fragrance.

Marilyn Monroe said...

Diamonds are a girl's best friend!

Ian fleming said...

Diamonds are forever.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said...

That may be. But all told nothing's as grand as "The Diamond as Big as the Ritz."

Jews for Jesus said...


JR's Thumbprints said...

I never measure my alcohol with a shot glass, I just pour.

JLCGULL said...

Only way to fly.

Voice of Democracy said...

Bye-bye Saddam. Have a Good one! Happy New Year!

Mullah al-Moolah said...

May you get all the virgins, Saddam!

George Orwell said...

It'll be quite a hanging.

Comp 121 said...

An epiphany moment.

Operation Desert Storm said...

Hey Saddam, looks like you finally lost the "Mother of all battles."

Cindy Cobb said...

Hang him high.

Rodney Dangerfield said...

Right about now, I think Saddam could use some of my Xanax, if you know what I mean.

GWB said...

You're next, Osama!

Jews for Jesus said...


The Walking Man said...

Take a half of one of the greens and a half of one of the whites and a shot and a half of whatever and go take a long nap.

Anyone who carries their sadness close to their heart is closer to it at ths time of year. Able to see the point of all the cheer and fiegned love for people for the rest of the year only depresses us further because we see it but don't feel it and can't fathom why others can. So some choose to sepArate now because this is when it weighs heaviest on us.

But it is over for another year and I know that the time betwen now and next Monday are just normal days for me and Monday night I get to te basement because of all the Detroit fools making it sound like another war zone at midnght through about 2 am when they begin to run out of booze.

It is like hiding in your hamper, i feel safer in the basement, surrounded by things that are familiar in their just being there with me, because bullets going up go up at the same speed as when they go out. Just the same as some peoples lives.

I know one thing Michelle my safety is in not being popular or brilliant, just plodding one foot after the other walking with that spirit.

So if lifting the glass for another one is the solution for your near time walk then do it. For in the nect heartbeat is a new lifetime and a new chance to be your genrous and wonderful non christmas, whatever you call it catholic self, which always though you run around like a manic peson who loves airplanes is the ever present underlying desire for life to be better for all.

Much peace from my heart to yours

The Walking Man

one quesion to a lot of you who have posted about Hussein and his death sentence by rope in thirty days...why the joy in that, it is just more death in a word already filled with it and solves nothing. so why the hip hip hooray's?

TWM said...


Here this is my gift to you who like death

Name that tune said...


Anonymous said...

I feel for you. Surrounded by so much death and distruction. There isn't enough booze or xanax or prozac in the world my dear. Just swirls of dark colors spinning off into the abyss.

Tegan said...

Hey, so much for you actually checking your mail??? I emailed you like a week ago and still haven't gotten a response :(

BTW, Raymond Carver f-ing rocks, you made me love him!!!!

The Explicator said...

Carver=weak men characters. Michelle loves losers. They make her feel powerful.

Nice round number said...

Let's make it an even thirty.

Short bus said...

We want the Spell, we want the Spell, we want the Spell, we want the Spell, etc....

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Xanax Prescription Medication said...

My name is Wendy Angus and i would like to show you my personal experience with Xanax.

I am 45 years old. Have been on Xanax for 2 years now. In working with a wonderful doctor and therapist, I have learned Meniere's Disease is an anxiety=provoked condition, and is the worst thing I have ever suffered in my life. To manage this, I take a low dose of Wellbutrin everyday and have a 1mg Rx for Xanax, which I am supposed to take 3x-a-day, but to be honest, I usually only take about 3-1mg a week, so only taking it when I honestly feel "too anxious". I also take Meclizine for the Meniere's attacks and those are only as needed as well. I feel the Xanax is better to have around than not, for my personal conditions. It took me a long time to balance out my meds, and taking too much xanax feels as horrible as the withdrawl can be, as I've experienced both. Now, after much time in getting to know what my body needs and how I am feeling (like with anxiety), and removing the 'stigma' of having to take a drug to manage my conditions is now over, taking just a few pills a week seems to work beautifully.

I have experienced some of these side effects -
It makes me very thirsty (dry mouth) but seems to work well in combination with other drugs for my conditions with no ill effects.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Wendy Angus

gracer said...

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