Saturday, December 16, 2006
Something About The Metal
First impressions scare me. I'm stiff and inarticulate and speak in phrases that are slightly less natural than a Beckett play, or I'm totally manic and start talking as if I've had a hit of nitrous oxide and say things like, I think I'm getting a sty in my eye, I mean it feels like it, and it will swell up and there's nothing you can do about it although my mother used to rub a gold wedding band on it and that seemed to help, something about the metal and I once had homecoming pictures taken with a sty and it was awful . . . You get the idea. And of course, there's no getting over the joy of making a total ass of yourself. My sister speaks in charming malopropisms from time to time, and she said to me once upon my meeting someone-- You sounded artistic. I took it as a compliment until I realized she meant autistic. It seems to me that maybe I should go for full-blown loop de loo next time and start speaking only in Lou Reed lyrics.
When it comes down to it, the sensation brings back the thrills of high school when one's self-absorption and self-scrutiny and loathing are at an all-time high. I once got asked out on a date on a post-it note. The sender asked me to check a box if I wanted to go to dinner with him. If you're thinking this happened when I was really young, you would be wrong. The man in question was in his forties; I was in my twenties. His note gave me three options: Yes, I would like to go to dinner, No, I hate stinky you and please do not get near me anymore, and Maybe, I would like to torture you and drag this thing out for a long time. Did I check a box? Of course! In the end, I didn't check the box that turned out to be the nature of the relationship, but it was a first impression and damned if I didn't want it to be a good one.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Actually it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns
1 ounce Midori
1 ounce Kahlua
1 ounce Frangelico
Pour the ingredients, then strain into an old-fashioned glass and serve.
Benedictions and Maledictions