Wednesday, May 02, 2007

You Killed The Patient

A woman who did not like me very much once told me, "You'd fit right in with my family. Nobody liked to have fun." This tragic pronouncement was in reaction to my deep and abiding hatred of board and card games. The last game I remember playing with pleasure as a child was Ants in the Pants. If you are not familiar with this joyful repast, it consists of trying to flick plastic ants into an small freestanding pair of pants. I also admit to enjoying Operation. I played it often during my childhood, my fellow participants wearing the anxious look of an unpopular president or NBA coach during the playoffs. One "operated" on the provided patient. If you accidentally touched anything other than the organ with the tweezers provided, you set off a large buzzing noise to let you know you had killed the patient.

Perpetually shaky by nature, it did not seem like a natural fit. After all, the organs were small and their removal and reentry were precarious at best. But like a lot of things one loves, I got good at it. I did not take my skills elsewhere, though. I did not become a doctor or board game queen. I did not take my show on the road. It was enough to remove a pancreas and not set the buzzer off; it was enough to be someone, if not fun, at least competent for a little while.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"All is well, practice kindness, heaven is nigh. " Jack Kerouac

Cocktail Hour
Drinking memoir suggestion: Dreaming Carolyn See

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Wednesday!


Dr. Warren Feldman said...

I'm afraid I gave false hope to Johnny "Sack" Sacrimoni when he was dying of cancer on the Sopranos. Sack took my diagnosis seriously. I gave him one to three years more, not the three months of his "expert," Rosen. After all, I was a respected oncologist. It's just that as an orderly in Sack's hospital infirmary, I didn't get much respect. Admittedly, I did kill my wife and some other people.

Dr. Warren Feldman said...

Thanks for your support of the Sopranos, Michelle. As you know, according to TV Guide, there are thirty-two days until the last day of the Sopranos! Again, thanks for all your support!

Dr. Warren Feldman said...

Actually, I would like to amend my first statement. Rosen gave John a month and that's about what it was. I was sorry to see John go. I really liked him.

Charles Gramlich said...

I've played monopoly a fair amount, but the only board game I ever really liked was Risk. I don't know why. I almost always lost.

rush said...

Doc, are you seeing new patients? I need some more meds...

Tasslehoff Burrfoot said...

Operation, huh? Growing up in Michigan, Dungeons and Dragons was popular, mostly because of all the odd religious taboos. If the 700 club really disliked DnD, they should never have talked about it as most of the people I know who played it did so as it was against the will of their parents and therefore a crackload of fun. Nobody I know was ever murdered, no demons got worshiped nor were we ever mesmerized by Satan. It's like why you played operation, but we were pretending to be somebody so cool they won't ever exist.
If I were a Wizard, I would not have problems with the law, only drug problems, and that's OK.

Great post, m.

The Beyond said...

larps (live action role playing scenarios), on the other hand are quite evil. That's were I always meet those freaky vampire girls. For whatever reason, they love me like a moth drawn to flame. Then I have to deal with the male vampire snotts. A fireball spell usually does the trick.

Some have miller time. Doob time around here. Roll a die twenty and tell me what you get.

Neal Cassady said...

I've always thought of you as "nigh," Michelle.

the walking man said...

You'd have never have fit in with my crazy ass family either. We swore (except my mom, you could never get a good "bastard!" out of her) like sailors, drank like fishes and the old man taught us how to play poker when we were about 5 and gambled serious money in our teenage years.

There were some board games too but they bored me so I passed on those and concentrated my talents on where they did carry into adulthood, smoking, doing drugs and writing...oh yeah and occasionally working too.

Now that being someone and competence stuff what in the hell are those?

paul said...


Dr. Mengele said...

love the title

Don Coyote's Horse said...

I was alone
and walking forever
with the sun burning my face
and the shadows of a downtown canyon
simulating near-night in my periphery

when I saw it

lumbering side to side in the distance
over the pavement
a mammoth shadow puppet
of humanity that tripped
and would have fallen several times
it stumbled to a stop
ready to fall
writhing with anxious convulsions into the grass

but as I approached and the light dimmed in my eyes
I watched the fission of one shadowy, titanic being
into two familiar shapes
a him
and a her

and I by myself

pushed my glasses to higher perch
thinking, burning,
walking forever with the sun in my face

Sheila said...

how can you not like games?!?! I love games!!! They are fun, although, I am not a very good loser and I lose quite often! hehe