Friday, March 30, 2007

Have Lots of Buckets Ready


Years ago, I read a book called Pigs in the Parlor by Frank Hammond and Ida Mae Hammond about demonic possession and what to do about it. Now this is the kind of thing I love in a self-help book. No life-coaching, bringing money to you with your thoughts, no manage your time, change your life, win friends, make yourself influential crap that only succeeds in making you feel bad. Pigs in the Parlor offers a glimpse into the deliverance movement which varies slightly from traditional exorcisms. Exorcisms are pretty extreme and are done under only the most dramatic of cases -- bloody writing appearing on someone's stomach, victims speaking in foreign tongues they've never studied, creepy shit of that nature. Deliverance is a Protestant idea (not a mainstream one) that derives from the sense that almost all sin is a sign of demonic manifestation. Have trouble not sleeping with everyone in sight? Demons. Eating too much? Demon trouble again! Not living your testimony? Blame a demon!
The authors' solution to these various manifestations of evil are to lay hands on the hapless Christian who has been inhabited and vomit out the offending demon into a bucket that has been thoughtfully provided for that purpose. Have lots of buckets ready, intone the Hammonds. You'll need them. I can understand the vomit -- if certain people laid hands on me, that would be my first reaction. And what a fantastic idea for your inner-bulimic! Okay, so I jest. I'll probably go back to reading the occasional tome about directing my energy in a positive way to bring about change and love. Although that's almost enough to make me vomit. So I guess the buckets are a good way to deal with things after all.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I always wanted to be a gangster." Ray Liotta, Goodfellas
Cocktail Hour
Drinking movie suggestion: Goodfellas
Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Friday!
Nine days until The Sopranos airs!

18 comments:

Silvio Dante said...

We needed buckets to pick up the blood from Fat Dom after Carlo stuck him like a pig. I was glad to get revenge for Vito's death, even if he was a homo. Tony Soprano is still the boss. Tony thought Vito was a good worker.

Rush Limburger said...

I can see why you have that assault weapon, Michelle. Detroit is New Fallujah. Spray the Detroit Board of Education while your at it. Morons.

Short bus and Special said...

Jut your butts! Jut your butts! You Easter Butt Bunnies!

Fr. Damien Karras said...

Use this line for exorcisms: "The power of Chirst compels you!" Then watch out for green vomit.

Joe Pesci said...

What the fuck you lookin' at? C'mon, make that coffee to go. Let's go.

Ernest Hemingway said...

I will hold you tight and kiss you hard.

Anonymous said...

Yes, lots of buckets, for what the troll spews.

Ratfink said...

Trolls?

Moldy Marvin said...

Trolls, man. Cool.

Mark 1:34 said...

Finally the spirits left the demoniac(s)and went into the swine.

Charles Gramlich said...

So, could we say, a bucket (of vomit) a day keeps the demons away? I'm afraid I'm not a big fan of vomiting, although often one feels better after.

Sheila said...

Wow, heavy artillary!

the unsleeping bachman said...

Last time I saw a lady with an AK47 was my sister at the dealer's house. I thought she didn't look that pissed...

the unsleeping bachman said...

Gotta love getting those demons out! I had a few this morning.

the walking man said...

Just leave the fucking demons alone, for Christs sake. Because every thing you named is a part of human nature, the bloody belly writing appearing out of no where bullshit, you got a cutter, sleeping with evrything that moves you got a horny person, eat to much you have a person not taught moderation...we are our own demons but I ain't going to say why but that's just the truth of it. People who do the laying hands on thing for healing are like how do you say ,trying to cop a feel.

You know i don't give a good goddamn what people write or think but until they have walked through the world of the demons they don't know shit. So put the book in a bucket and puke on that motherfucker and feel better for it because at least no one can say a demon made you burn a book.

And the way to direct your energy towards positive change in the world and grow the love;first find peace and then just do it. It isn't a trick or something a magician you have to be to perform.

You be kind when you can, you be a dork instead of a dufuss, it's not something you learn from a fucking book that tells you how that author thinks they learned it, that was their way. what makes them think that is everyones way?

"I drank along the colored wind, i dangled from a rope of sand" Tom Waites that was his way.

You know Brooks i am going to have to have you talk to the old lady, I want agun in the house and she is hesitently opposed...I think I'd like one of those fuckers you're holding, my 'hood is starting to get pretty empty. I'll deliverance me a few fucking demons with that bad boy.

paul said...

myCajunQ
AK47alwaysz
Piggiesgivemethewillies
Outdemonheads
FoxyLadyD
LeadourPeopleFree
Shazammmmmmmmmm
R2C2!

Laura said...

Thanks to The Exorcist and the vomit scene, I can't even look at pea soup without feeling like I'm going to puke.

Anonymous said...

Here in North Carolina in Apex, there were no pigs in the parlor but 77 sheep. The owner lives upstairs, the sheep had the run of the downstairs. No demons here, just craziness.