Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Worst Day of My Life

The Buddhists believe that before something wonderful will enter your life, the life you have known will begin to fall apart, ie, a bunch of bad, annoying shit will start to happen. I love this belief because I can explain away my own stupidity, willful complicity, and downright simple behavior in a jiffy -- didn't change the oil in Snowflake, my dear sweet car, and Snowflake gets sick (my book is going to get published because I am a fool!), that sort of thing. Despite my cynical ways, I do buy it because I have seen evidence of it. Someone once asked me what the worst day of my life was, and I said I hadn't had it yet. The asker stepped back in mock horror, but I thought my answer indicated that as far as the depths of shame and degradation that my life had brought me and that I had brought myself, I could do more. I could, in fact, instead of being the second-to-last one out of the clown car, could be the last one out of the clown car of life.

For a time, I loved reading books about changing my life. I had the requisite optimism required to make the purchase, and I'd read away -- time management, attitude, how to say no and mean it, organize your closet and your life!, and this list could go on, but I can't. What I can say is that most of it did jack doodle -- I'm still messy, messed-up, stretched for time, and unable to say no. My time is not my own, as the books suggest, I am not thinking and growing rich with it. My clothes are still being held together with the first available safety pin (I'm thinking it gives the tattered outfits a sort of punkish touch), and whenever I accidentally put on a pair of ripped tights, I claim that the tights ripped that day and that there was no time to change them. (perhaps a subconscious emulation of Mrs. Kurt Cobain?) And if all my rationalizations fail and things go bad, I simply think of the Buddhists belief about things falling apart, the center cannot hold, but maybe that's a good thing. After all, if you've ever used topical medicine for a nasty cut, you know the sting means it's working.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"When you moan, the Devil don't know what you're talking about." The Silvertones

Cocktail Hour

In the Gloaming

1 glass of champagne
1 splash of cognac
1 splash of peach schnapps

Serve chilled.

Benedictions and Maledictions

Halloween movie suggestion (in theaters in a couple of weeks): Bug -- This one stars Ashley Judd and looks terrifying!


The Allusionist said...

The center cannot hold. Yes, very important literary allusion there, Michelle. Didn't really get into that Yeats guy but really liked the Chinua Achebe thing. Are you fat or pregnant?

William Safire said...

What is the meaning of the phrase "beauty fascist"? Would a beauty fascist be seen in the presence of an eagle-beaked, spike-jawed spinster? This phrase appeared in the Wednesday, Sept. 28 Michelle'spell.

The Pedant said...

Is Ashley Judd the fat one or the one married to the race car guy? Rhetorical question.

Clive Barnes said...

Yes, the center cannot hold! Brilliant allusion, Michelle. The Glenlivet to you and yours! Cheers! (The Allusionist above is a fool. You look marvelous, darling.)

r's musings said...

Poor Snowflake! He just may breakdown from neglect! I don't quite think that's what the Buddhists have in mind, Michelle! lol Love this post!

The Black Dahlia said...

Imagine getting cut in half. That's the worst day.

Anonymous said...

Do you autograph your books for people?

paul said...

Cajun Queenie, you still're looking sad so I'll sing a song for you, Foxy Lady. It will be Foxy Lady by Hendrix. It's about you, you know. R2 C2!

John Ricci said...

Dear Michelle,
I will have to learn more about Buddhism. It sounds charming. Lovely view and post. Bravo!