Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Cards Are Laid Out on the Table



There was a time not so long ago that my friends and I had dinner parties about once a month, long affairs where people would get very drunk and talk about their personal lives or lack of them. The later the hour, the more despondent the talk and since I don't cook, I took to making drinks and eating what other people prepared, dishes I would have never dreamed existed -- champagne chicken with grapes, grapefruit in a salad, beef and curried rice adorned with a side of lentils. I always thought I ate a lot at these shindigs until I read one of my ex-boyfriend's potrayal of it in a magazine where he described me drinking and not eating (I believe the implication was that I was moderately alcoholic and anorexic, not an exact quote), my friends as dysfunctional retard losers (exact quote), and himself as never getting a decent meal at home (the truth).

At night the shadows grow long, people bring out tarot cards, try to see the future. The guards go down, the cards are laid out on the table. Sometimes if the food is really good, it makes a second appearance. The booze has never gone away. If someone remembers to buy them, we bring out the shot glasses made of godiva chocolate and we toast with these and eat the remains. The sweetness changes everything and makes it seem good and right, even when the future is murky, the omens less than auspicious. Its sweetness transports us to another time, a time not mentioned in any magazine. We tell each other that it's been fun and leave believing it.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Loading mercury with a pitchfork/ your friends stare at you in amazement." Richard Brautigan

Cocktail Hour

Mercury with a Pitchfork

Butterscotch liqueur
1 godiva chocolate shot glass

Benedictions and Maledictions

An address to the very Reverend's question about guns -- household use is as Bonnie suggest -- for intruders.

12 comments:

Oscar Winner said...

Shoot to Kill--Mr. Happer in "Local Hero"

The Nightcrawler said...

"eat the remains"(exact quote).

The Captionist said...

Sigmund Freud's horny grandaughter.

Sheila said...

Yeah, well your ex boyfriend has two hands... he can make his own damn dinner. See, I don't cook a lot, not that I can't really cook I just don't want to have to go buy all the ingredients (because trust me they are never at my house) and then take the time to prepare all that food. I'd rather go to a restaurant or be invited over someone else's house when they are cooking.

Jason said...

Fuck your ex-boyfrind.

John Ricci said...

Dear Michelle,
You've got your priorities exactly right. Food can be taken care of easily if a man has any versatility and imagination or any common sense and romance. You are so lovely, you could read or write or sit in a chair and be so, and add champagne. Charming post, as always. Well done, bravo!

PARLANCHEQ said...

I hate to cook - Takeout rules! And godiva chocolate shot glasses - I'm gonna have to get some of those. Yum!

bonnie said...

Honey, I *heart* the sweet and sexy, artistic photo. And smiley face emphasis on the "ex-" part of the show. Plus we all know Godiva marks the spot, a 20-20 hit
kiss kiss
Bon

J said...

Might I propose an aesthetic reappraisal of cookery? Clearly you enjoy some creative exploits, thus I wonder if there's some mileage there in changing your perspective? Personally, I find enormous artistic satisfaction in the sourcing of ingredients and the preparation of a meal -- not to mention the obvious joys of tasting great food and entertaining. I get exactly the same kind of buzz I get from writing or painting.

J.

The Captionist said...

V is for Victory unles you're an Anomaly.

The Lizard Queen said...

I'm not much of a cook myself. I cook when I feel like it, which isn't often--and that's often problematic in relationships where the man wants some traditionality (I don't think that's a word, but I'm betting you get my drift)... oh well.

In short, I'm inclined to agree with Jason when he says fuck your ex-boyfriend. ;)

On a brighter note, where does one find Godiva shot glasses?? They sound fabulous! If I manage to find some, would it be acceptable to add some Bailey's to the butterscotch liqueur?

Jamie said...

Wow - your ex sounds like a loser.