Friday, June 05, 2009
The Girlfriend Experience
Thanks for all the great responses about the friend/ex issue. It's the kind of topic that generally brings out very strong responses. I think all the points raised here are very valid and plan on exploring the issues of jealousy, friendship, sexuality (thanks to beautiful Jodi for bringing this piece of baggage into the conversation and yes, I agree, it does make things more difficult), and repeat patterns (thanks to the lovely Miss R for this astute observation) for the next week or so.
I have a friend who admires people who can walk away from any relationship without guilt when he or she is through with it. He tells a story about Beethoven turning his back on someone without anger and saying, I got what I need to get. I have no idea if this is true or not, but my friend likes it, likes the idea of not having to go through the social niceties. I'm more like Larry David's self-titled character on his show when he explains that once you start a friendship, you can't end it no matter how miserable it is until the other person dies. In the course of my life, I have ended three friendships. Three. Out of many. I know that hokey poem about how some people are friends for a season, a reason, or a life. And the girl scout song about some friends being silver and gold, although it is unclear to me who is silver and who is gold and which is more valuable and if that gold will tarnish and turn green and ugly over time or the silver will flake and so on. Or if you'll get a rash from it. If you have a friend who gives you a rash, maybe it's time to end things.
Like writing, relationships are both difficult and incredibly easy. You start where you are and go from there. The more you reveal, the better it is. And yes, they can both be very lonely. Nobody understands us completely. Not even ourselves. God knows I've spent enough time with myself to be able to write a book. And did. What fun. But what is fun is spending time with friends whether they be gold, silver, or cubic zirconium. In my acknowledgments, I thank the people who believed in me when I struggled not to lose faith in myself. You know who you are. Usually when people say this, it's a bad thing. But not this time.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly." Francis Bacon
Drinking movie suggestion: The Girlfriend Experience
Benedictions and Maledictions