One of my friends used to intone, All anxiety is godlessness. This made me feel, well, how to put it -- bad, shitty, just plain awful. I spent a lot of my waking life anxious in those days and didn't want to think that my relationship with God fed into this constant stream of feeling stressed out and strung out, bouts of too much emotion coupled with not enough, leaving me fluctuating from hysterical mess to zombie. This anxiety idea comes straight from Christian Science, illness being the spiritual plane manifesting on the physical one. I don't know much more about the religion except that my friend Hank once went into one of their reading rooms and took the personality test which told him that he was a ball of black toxic energy, pure Grade A evil. He could not have been happier with this diagnosis and went around all proud for months. Who else could say that had officially been declared a black toxic cloud of evil? I never took the test, fearful that I wouldn't do as well as he did.
Last night I watched Tammy Faye on Larry King, a heartbreaking sight, all sixty-five pounds of her, She shared her favorite Bible verse and as chance would have it, it's my favorite as well, the one about being handicapped on all sides, but not left alone, the one about experiencing a little of the death of Jesus every single day, the one about all things working together except that we can't see it. I have this taped to my refrigerator, right next to a postcard that reads, Trailer Park Tramp -- One Man Was Not Enough! I look at the verse, and it gives me comfort when things are rough, more comfort than some pat bullshit about anxiety being the absence of God. And I'm glad to have something in common with Tammy Faye. In her dying days, she is telling people to find peace and joy. No hellfire and brimstone, no scary end times stuff, just Heaven where I'm guessing the Jerry Falwells of the world will be in a separate room away from everyone else. Sad to leave the world, no doubt, because it's been one wild ride for her, lots of ups and downs, but as my mother used to comfort us when things got strange, it was never boring.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Be gentle to all, stern with yourself." St. Theresa
Cocktail Hour
Drinking music suggestion: Let It Be The Replacements
Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Friday!
6 comments:
Talk about little tramps!
I'm going to kick butt at the Emmy's and I want you up on stage when me and the Sopranos get our statues, Michelle! Thanks for all your support of the show!--Tony
I saw Tammy Faye on Larry King too, and after just seeing her on the TV Guide Channel then seeing how she looks now it was unbelievable how much she has changed in such a short time. I remember back when the Jim and Tammy scandel was going on, and thinking how their whole religious thing was just a scam, but now I feel sorry for her and think she has truely turned her life over to the Lord.
For a long time I thought that having anxiety meant I didn't really put my faith in God, because if I did then I shouldn't be anxious at all. If that's true then I must be an incedibly evil person.
Hope you have a great weekend Michelle!
What level do you want to hear about, the human emotional level or the spiritual level? Both are valid, who isn't filled with anxiety at times, does this mean a crisis in your faith or lack of ability to believe?
I doubt it, it means you are troubled about something you're not sure you have the ability to control or conquer. If you read the epistles you will see that Peter and Paul were anxious all of the time over the ways they Christian sect was headed and don't you think Jesus was a little troubled knowing the next day not only was he going to get the shit kicked out of him but also be crucified, a horrible form of death.
I don't think any of them believed that God abandoned them simply because they were going through a human, mentally troubled state. That would be bullshit and God is not the giver of shit.
"Only fear the LORD, and serve him in truth with all your heart; for consider how great things he hath done for you." 1 Samuel
So what if your anxious does this mean that God will not continue to do great things for you? What horse shit that would be.
If anything that One who created all things would work to relieve your anxieties if we didn't hold on to them so tightly. But that is how humanity has evolved; hang onto the worst possible scenario rather than believe that the best possible outcome is what will happen.
If people would but look they would see these are the times when God is closest to you but no we'd rather squeeze our eyes tight shut and let the darkness of closed eyes rule our mind. Fuck that!
Man you have to blow off everything you have ever been taught about mans relation to God and start fresh because you can't mix bullshit with truth and expect it to remain truth.
Your own book tells you that God Himself will teach you, not the fatass Cadillac driving, anti-gay homosexual, fools who are "ever learning but never coming to a knowledge of the truth" preachers.
Anxiety is conflict between A & B & C, don't want anxiety, then choose one of the motherfuckers and shine on the the others and allow that same God to help YOU make that choice come out as well as possible.
"33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."
Matthew 6 read the whole chapter then decide what you have to be anxious over.
Why throw God into the negative side of the equation when we do a pretty good goddamn job of being fearful and negative without his help.
Sermon fucking over! Go home now.
Anxiety! I need my anxiety. I can't live without it because there would be too many holes in my psyche for me to hang together.
You are the mambo, now.
No dark night pierces your knowing heart
you are wreathed in blesings of your faith
the only one will ever know these things
is now a mother, or has been all along
mambo of the ember red peacock eye
the dark night is barely
a laugh
something for the birds to eat eyes first
circling--
as all dances are
this way,
you teach
powerfull faith
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