Friday, July 20, 2007
We Can't See It
One of my friends used to intone, All anxiety is godlessness. This made me feel, well, how to put it -- bad, shitty, just plain awful. I spent a lot of my waking life anxious in those days and didn't want to think that my relationship with God fed into this constant stream of feeling stressed out and strung out, bouts of too much emotion coupled with not enough, leaving me fluctuating from hysterical mess to zombie. This anxiety idea comes straight from Christian Science, illness being the spiritual plane manifesting on the physical one. I don't know much more about the religion except that my friend Hank once went into one of their reading rooms and took the personality test which told him that he was a ball of black toxic energy, pure Grade A evil. He could not have been happier with this diagnosis and went around all proud for months. Who else could say that had officially been declared a black toxic cloud of evil? I never took the test, fearful that I wouldn't do as well as he did.
Last night I watched Tammy Faye on Larry King, a heartbreaking sight, all sixty-five pounds of her, She shared her favorite Bible verse and as chance would have it, it's my favorite as well, the one about being handicapped on all sides, but not left alone, the one about experiencing a little of the death of Jesus every single day, the one about all things working together except that we can't see it. I have this taped to my refrigerator, right next to a postcard that reads, Trailer Park Tramp -- One Man Was Not Enough! I look at the verse, and it gives me comfort when things are rough, more comfort than some pat bullshit about anxiety being the absence of God. And I'm glad to have something in common with Tammy Faye. In her dying days, she is telling people to find peace and joy. No hellfire and brimstone, no scary end times stuff, just Heaven where I'm guessing the Jerry Falwells of the world will be in a separate room away from everyone else. Sad to leave the world, no doubt, because it's been one wild ride for her, lots of ups and downs, but as my mother used to comfort us when things got strange, it was never boring.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Be gentle to all, stern with yourself." St. Theresa
Drinking music suggestion: Let It Be The Replacements
Benedictions and Maledictions