Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Almost Independence Day
My dad once set himself on fire with a Roman Candle. This was the seventies and he had a rocking mustache, green polyester pants, and the sense to throw himself in Possum Kingdom Lake to put himself out. I've always hated firecrackers and many of my young fourth of July's were spent sobbing as the vile things exploded all around while my mother told me to get a grip on myself. After I was raped, I hated it even more. Loud noises are nobody's friend! Consuming massive amounts of hot dogs and barbecue while blowing tons of money on explosives does not seem like the ideal way to celebrate independence so I go for a more measured approach -- rocking in fetal position in my room until the day is over. The last time I went out for an "event" on the fourth was to the Detroit Symphony Orchestra (long story about how I was tricked into going -- too painful to go into that story; repression is our friend!) where I consumed massive amounts of gin and tonics, ignored most of the food, and tried to make the best of a bad situation. Isn't this great? I said to my then-beloved who replied, Not really. I can think of about ten places I'd rather be right now. He had also been tricked and had grown surly and resentful, retreating into a silence so loud that one couldn't help but hear only that. Making the best of a bad situation wasn't his thing. Well into my cups, I believe I said something like, You can be a real asshole and he replied, Yeah, and?
So here I am, contemplating all the things I'd like to be liberated from and can only think that they mostly exist in my own head, the very worst place for things to be. I won't be doing anything symbolic tomorrow, won't be ridding myself of any of my chains. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy where I am. Happy might be overstating it, of course. Let's not go crazy! But when the sky lights up with color, I'll watch from wherever I happen to be and if I can only hear what's going on from a distance, that'll be enough for me.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?" Flip Wilson
Drinking movie suggestion: Venus
Benedictions and Maledictions