Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A Film You Love

One summer I watched almost nothing but Ingmar Bergman films, the man Woody Allen calls "the only true genius in cinema today." I was depressed about my personal life (a statement now which seems absolutely stupid given the really depressing things that were around the corner), and instead of subjecting myself to a bunch of vapid comedies in hopes of laughing myself out of the blues, I decided to go the other way. Every few nights, I'd sit in the dark and watch something even sadder than my life, something that oddly made me feel okay. Ever the avoider, I found it a relief to let myself be. Lost in something between a trance and a dream, I floated around another world, one so different than mine which consisted of a car that seldom worked, a crappy apartment with an air-conditioning unit that sounded like a 747 taking off, and a job answering phones and getting yelled at for stapling documents "incorrectly." I didn't want to be in that world; I wanted to be in a world of love and death, of drama and secrets, of thick Swedish sadness rather than boring Texas malaise. I wanted out of an office where people frequently said things like, Howdy girly! and TGIF! without a trace of irony.

When bad things started to happen, I found myself nostalgic for that summer, the way that Woody Allen's character is nostalgic for the night that he and Mia Farrow (I have to think they were playing themselves in "Husbands and Wives" near the end of a marriage and what a nightmare that must have been) skipped a faculty party, walked in Central Park, and went home and watched "Wild Strawberries." I love this scene in "Husbands and Wives," love the way that we clutch to moments, so perfect and fleeting. I thought about the moments of love I had experienced and dreamed that the future would hold more. I thought about how death comes down the mountain for all of us, just like in "The Seventh Seal," thought about how it would be as a light slowly dimming, something to watch, like the last frame of a film that you have loved, that has changed you without your leaving your house.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"The demons are innumerable, arrive at the most inappropriate times and create panic and terror... but I have learned that if I can master the negative forces and harness them to my chariot, then they can work to my advantage.... Lilies often grow out of carcasses' arseholes." Ingmar Bergman

Cocktail Hour
Drinking movie suggestion: Cries and Whispers

Benedictions and Maledictions
Rest in peace, Ingmar Bergman!


Tom Snyder said...

Never seen a Bergman film. So I'll just sit back and enjoy a colortini! HA! HA! HA!

Bill Walsh said...

I've never seen a Bergman film, either, but Joe Montana could put on one heckuva show!

Caddo Lake Monster Weed said...

Bergman is too big for his britches.

George Bush said...

Howdy girly!!!!!

the walking man said...

It was strange in a way that when they were going through his life and film career, just how many films of his I had seen and enjoyed. I never try to think about the technical part of the craft of film making just the end result and I will say that I liked his work what i have seen of it, I think Junior Bonner was one of my favorites.

But you change up a bit more in the second paragraph and so will I. Where are these moments of fleeting perfection that I can clutch to? Maybe I let go to soon because I don't remember any perfect moments, except one and I can't clutch it because it is already past. It was a life changing epiphany, golden glow and words from God and the whole scene but it was over and gone.

I don't know what death is like either, just that it happens. One friend of mine hung himself in his brothers garage and another went with Metallica set to shuffle repeat cranked up on his headphones and was found 3 days later. Yet was it different for either one, or for the good is it like what I read the end of the Sopranos was like, screen to blank and for the evil where the hounds of hell come and drag you away like in Ghost?

I have in the past wanted to know, many times, but was always refused so whatever it is like maybe it will just be driving off in my white Cadillac pulling my horse trailer to a different kind of rodeo.

Peace Michelle, may you look down and one day soon and find that (non shit stained) comfort your looking for.


sorry if some of my recent posts have seemed a bit terse, I apologize but *shrug* it is what I was at the moment.

the walking man said...

you're====still hate making grammar mistakes when messaging to a English professor..unless you will consider your instead of you're creative



Charles Gramlich said...

wow, what a great pool. I want to go swimming.