Saturday, February 03, 2007
The Art of Losing
A few days ago, I locked myself out of my house. My first thought besides, you dumbass, was the beautiful Raymond Carver poem, "Locking . . . " an ode to all that he had destroyed and left behind, all that was lost to him behind the glass that he could see, but not return to unless he was willing to wreak havoc on the window that would let him back inside. My second thought was that I might die of exposure because this is Detroit and the D is not the tropics, even with global warming. I tried to break into my house and was both relieved and dismayed to find that I couldn't. I called a friend with a key and twenty minutes later, time I'd like to say I spent in relaxed meditation, but in fact, spent cursing into my scarf, I was back inside. While I sat in the cold, I thought about all the careless things I have done in my life -- I've lost keys, phones, and even managed to throw away a debit card. I looked over at my neighbor's yard from my window and said hello to their beautiful Virgin Mary and St. Francis statues and then saw the vile plaque with a picture of Kokopelli on it. Kokopelli is a southwestern symbol for mischief. Friends, I blame him for my mishap with the keys. I have always hated him, his evil little back hunched over playing the flute. You are an asshole, I said, not quite aware that I was addressing something in which I don't even believe.
My friend arrived; I did not die. I went inside and sat next to my space heater until I worked myself out of my bitter little snit. I could still see Kokpelli from my window! Hateful! I thought about what I might have done had my friend not had the key -- could I have bashed the window and stepped back inside? My tolerance for frustration is low so I wouldn't have been surprised. As it was, I stepped in the door like I owned the place. Of course, my friend only had the key to the back door. You get in, I suppose, any way you can.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"The art of losing isn't hard to master." Elizabeth Bishop
Drinking movie suggestion: The Tao of Steve
Benedictions and Maledictions
65 days until The Sopranos airs!