Friday, February 09, 2007

All That Unconditional Love

Besides my repeated rants about Valentine's Day, there are also other things I hate. I love to rant and almost never do because, well, it's not my chosen form. But since it's been evil wicked cold and it is Friday, the day of the sorrowful mysteries, I think it might be high time to recount some of the following: fireworks, being forced to spend time outside, earnest people who try to get me to "bear witness to my pain without judgment," almost all polka except Brave Combo and maybe even them although they are from Denton, Texas and have been on The Simpsons, mimes, theater, plays of any form and fashion except for Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, people who dislike Lou Reed, killjoys that refuse to acknowledge the curative power of Dr. Pepper, people who insist on bringing macrobiotic food to every party in baggies in order not to gain weight, sunshine, Celine Dion beating her evil, skinny little chest, people who feel obligated to express their feelings through bumper stickers, regardless of whether or not I agree with the sentiment -- from the recent weeks --My Boss Is A Jewish Carpenter, Don't Pray In My School and I Won't Think In Your Church, Smile -- Your Mother Was Pro-Life, I Share the Road with Bicycles, and perhaps the most perplexing, I Am My Own Grandpa, etc, people who insist the Confederate flag is "just a symbol, not racist or anything," people who claim to never gain any weight and eat anything they want, douchebags that tell me to smile, life's not that bad, and the list could go on, but I will not.

On the flipside, there are lots of things I adore that drive many people out of their collective minds. I like people who talk about themselves in the third person -- it's just creepy enough for me to get behind. I love oysters and guns and poetry and Woody Allen. I like decaying houses and dying plants and restaurants that serve drinks from long-ago days, like Pink Grasshoppers. I love Tony Soprano. I like watching "Web of Faith" on the Catholic Channel late at night where two priests answer questions they receive off the Internet. I love the Virgin Mary. Once I was at a dinner party and a writer that I once admired (note the past tense) asked me in a contemptuous way what exactly it was that I liked about the Virgin. All that unconditional love, I said. As I am so full of it as you can see from the first paragraph. Hey, I've got to start somewhere.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"I love; I hate. Who can say why? I only know that I am tortured just the same." Catullus

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: The Believer

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Friday!

59 Days until The Sopranos airs!


JLCGULL said...

You are so great when you just let it fly, Michelle, like a detached fan blade. SO cool. I drink Dr. Pepper whenever I'm fortunate enough to find a bottle. Keep flying and writing high, Michelle, you beautiful bar lady you.

Professor Irwin Corey said...

I love the irony of your ending, Michelle. It has so much initial finitude. Forthwith, when I teach, I often, as you like, refer to myself in the third degree. Students are of the pros and cons on this. Those that like me are of the pro; and, those that do not are of the con.

Allen Woody said...

I think you, as does Mr. Ricci, overuse the word "adore." But, then again, I say this not unconditionally. It depends on the situation.

Oscar winner said...

Michelle, you must admit(must you not?)that Celine Dion's signature song went superbly with what is arguably the greatest film ever made--"Titanic." Must you not?

the walking man said...

Why stop the rant there, Jesus, you were just getting started. But fuck it it's your rant and as far as I read you're pretty lightweight when it comes to ranting and raving.

How about assholes driving SUV's that don't know what a turn signal is and they think they are driving a big rig and turn right from the left lane or the stupid motherfuckers that call you to sell you shit you don't want even though you're on the no call list, or those computer generated calls that are silent until some fucked up person see's the light flashing, and then picks up and trys to sell you something you don't want, or the Indian you get when you call for help with your PC and can't understand a godamn word they say but you know that job they are paid for and not able to do used to be done by an American who spoke english as a first langiage .

I also love it when people you never saw before come up to you and say hey give me a smoke. not a please or a thank you and then need a light and a kick in the ass to get it going, or all those people who don't like Johnny Cash' last CD.

I also think that the president and the entire administration are complete assholes and the republican party are so full of shit they should all to a person be given a weapon and sent to Iraq.

Want some more...i hate it when you give someone something and get not even an acknowledgement and then when they fuck it up call you to repair it. Fuck them they can stick whatever it is up their ass.

I like it to when a godamn doctors office schedule you for a 9 o'clock appoitment and you don't get into the exam room til 11 and then wait another half hour before someone sticks their head in the door and says "it will just be a few more minutes"

I love it to when some dickhead goes off on a rant against Black, or Gays or any other group that they don't belong to. I love gun manufacturers because they have done so much to eradicate the stupid from the gene pool and the prison industry not to mention keeping the judicial system and lawyers employed.

Oh Michelle you want a rant...bumper stickers...I love "My kid beat up your honor roll student"

Every one who displays a religious themed bumper sticker should belong to a church that pays taxes because most churches and non profits have become political organizations.

Why if there is a 3 trillion dollar budget is there not medical care for everyone in this nation and why does detroit have over fifty thousand homeless people? Because they have no fucking place in the budget.

who ever thought up the idea of no smoking coffee shops should be forced to drink piss for the rest of their life and Granholm and her cigarette taxes should have a 50$ carton shoved up her ass once a week,I might pay for it just to see it happen but I'd take the smokes out first and put two bricks in it first, and her new taxes can go up there next to hold the carton in place.

And all of the auto companys that closed their manufacturing plants in this area should just tell the truth, they don't give a good godamn about what they did to their workers lives and while on that subject toyota can kiss my ass.

Now that is a rant.


Sheridan Baker said...

Dear Michelle,
Today's post is a "textbook" likes-and-dislikes essay that should be required reading for all university composition students. The essay not only expresses your very bright individuality, it also provides wonderful insight into our contemporary American social milieu. Well done.
Yours, Shery

the walking man said...

Now to the unconditional love, God, My Old Lady, My dumbass Kids and their dumbass significant others,my grandaughter, even though I never see her, people who try to do something new even if they fail.

People who write and then get over their fear to speak it to a live audience.

The eigth ranked slam poet in the city who writes a minimum of three new pieces a day, but can't slam worth a shit.

The piece of mind he has.

The terror inspired inother people when rage flies from his ass and the weak ass threats and answers to it.

My one or two friends.

being not afraid to give whatever someone needs because i know that they need it more than I do.

Listening to music on mix but not rappers that believe women are only good for the humpty hump they suck and should have been on the other list.

Freddy Mercury's voice.

Mozart, Bach, Haydn and all baroque music.


Not being a sports fan.

My fifteen pound dog that killed a two hundred pound black bear.

Standing up for what's right and saying what i think in the face of whomever is fucked up in thier thinking.

Using foul language.

ok that's enough of the things i love without condition

Rodney Dangerfield said...

I like the way you are full of it, Michelle, if you know what I mean.

Short bus and Special said...

She'll be comin' around the mountain whe she comes!

Richard Ford said...

This year's winners for the National Blogging Award are....

the walking man said...

pick a new tag asshole Rodney Dangerfield died a few years ago if you know what i mean

Allen Woody said...

Don't look at being dead as a handicap.

Ulessez said...


Charles Gramlich said...

Hum, some of my pet peeves? Students who expect me to print out their essays/papers for them. Researchers who expect me to approve their research without giving me copies of their surveys. Researchers who expect me to set up their rooms for them to gather their data, or recruit their subjects for them, or get them the phone numbers and email addresses of someone who will do the above. Students who miss class repeatedly and wonder why they didn't get an "A." Students who never come to see me until the last week of class when they want me to fix their bad grade for them. People/students who expect you to remember exactly what you talked about with them three weeks earlier after you've see 100 other students since then. Students who miss tests and expect you to set up a time for them to take a make-up at their convenience. Students who habitually come in late, miss information I've given at the beginning of the class, then interrupt the class later to ask for the information they missed. I could go on, but I'm starting to enjoy this a little too much.

Timothy Leary said...

You see, folks, even a PhD in psychology has peeves.

Fr. Damien and Sister Peter Marie said...

You're one of our best "likes," Michelle. Happy Valentine's Day and may God bless you.

F. Lee Bailey said...

Do you now or have you ever in the last five years used a statue of the Virgin to scare away birds? Yes or no, Ms. Brooks.

Thomula said...

C'mon Dr. M, be a little more positive. Even Dennis Leary admitted to liking "football and porno and books about war." Or was that Ted Haggard?

JR's Thumbprints said...

I'll save my rants for a later date. Life's too short and wonderful.

paul said...

thosebottleslook good

Anonymous said...

I can't believe how your followers suck up to you. Its scary, your Hitleresque charisma. Even Hitler was'nt a schizo. I love it when you get pissed. Anything else I can do to piss you off. How about a tantrum video on your blog. I'm horny just thinking about it.

Ashley said...

I loved your list...hilarious!

the walking man said...

"Anonymous said...
I can't believe how your followers suck up to you. Its scary, your Hitleresque charisma. Even Hitler was'nt a schizo. I love it when you get pissed. Anything else I can do to piss you off. How about a tantrum video on your blog. I'm horny just thinking about it."


What's the matter didn't your mommy give you enough attention when you were a child, or did daddy just beat on her. I'd really like to know.

Hitleresque now that is one big godamn word for a moron to utter, which would mean Hitler style charisma in the way you use it, rather humurous usage of verbiage from one who apparently has no idea of Hitlers style of charisma to his citizens which started out with saying to the masses how Germany got shafted in the treaty of Versaille and ended with the blaming the non aryans for all of the troubles of germany's financial woes enforced at the end of a rifle with the assasination of his rivals; instead of the world wide depression of the day and the folly of the Kiaser in implementing the war of aggression because he had designs on Hungary and Poland and bankrupting Germany by agreeing to pay the war reperations.

Which would mean then what you are anonymously saying (of course) is that Michelles personal charm and charisma are forced and a lie and every one who posts here on a regular basis is a dupe or an automaton stricty posing here to gratify her ego.

Now to the gratification portion, you yourelf if you could quit stroking your tiny little hard on long enough from thinking about a tantrum video, should realize that Brooks doesn't get pissed off, she leaves this an open forum where any anonymous ass can say whatever they want.

I am the one that get's pissed off, not because I am a devoted fan, but because I do detest a lack of civility you gadamned, cocksucking, motherfucking, stupid bastard. And if you go back a few blogs you will find out were I hang out at so I can introduce myself and I'll even give you a better idea of how to identify me, I will have on headphones listening to music on my lap top which en toto will forcebly wind up your ass, because I know that you would enjoy it, not because you're gay, but because with your comment you have proven how big your asshole is(or am I mistaking that for your mouth) and it would take something the size of a laptop to give you the protrate massage you seriously and obviously want.

There now is that enough attention for you, you ignorant buffoon?

Anonymous said...


the walking man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the walking man said...

consider it an honorific to that wee little thing you were pulling on