Monday, April 06, 2009
Meet Your Eyes
One of the hardest things in the world is to not judge other people -- at times the task seems Sisyphean. We see through the scrim of our own jealousies and disappointments, through a kind of plaintive longing that doesn't shut up. And in this area, I have sinned and been sinned against, the only progress made from my end is to try like hell to have compassion when I don't feel like it. I, unfortunately, can't control what people think of me. But usually I have great luck -- a fortune teller once told me that I had a lavender light coming out of my third eye and if I found myself surrounded by loving strangers or the mentally-challenged, that's why. My friends have pointed this tendency out and there's one restaurant host who is as we might say in the south, a bit touched, and he stares at my forehead where people believe the third eye is for a long time before seating me, a refreshing respite, I suppose, from the proverbial complaint about men never meeting your eyes.
But I can cast back to meeting a woman a few years ago who seemed to hate me upon sight. Before I really opened my mouth and could confirm any preconceptions she might have. I never understood why and my term for her was that fucking horrible anorexic uptight bitch who hates me for no known reason. This was, umm, pre-compassion. But I recently learned her story, one that explains her feelings about other woman and me in particular better than she probably could. And I felt sorrow for her, for the abuse she experienced and the sadness of it. I suppose that's kind of the way of things; more, as the AA people say, will be revealed. I'm not a big believer in time healing wounds, but I do believe that we are given to see what we need to see to accept people even when we don't want to, especially then.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." Thomas Merton
Drinking memoir suggestion: The Sisters Antipodes Jane Allison
Benedictions and Maledictions