Friday, January 25, 2008

Sympathetic Doll Magic


Often people happen onto my site looking for spells, one of the most frequent searches being for spells to make exes or romantic rivals go away. If I had this spell, I'd be a rich woman instead of a tired one. We all try to be serene with the past; we're supposed to be be evolved and beyond it, unconcerned with what happened before us. But if that's correct, it doesn't explain the popularity of the Nasty Bitch Be Gone candle at my local voodoo store. According to the yellowed card attached to the side of the display that gives you critical information for making your candle decisions -- St. Theresa for love and money, St. Anthony for concentration, and so on. Nasty Bitch Be Gone promises "to rid yourself of his exes and any potential hos getting on your man." If this doesn't work, you can head over to the actual voodoo dolls and try to stick a few pins into their teeny-tiny little hearts in hopes of some sympathetic doll magic.

I'm with old Woody Allen when he says stuff like, Yeah, I'm a little jealous, like Medea. Jealousy is an emotion most of us are afraid to admit, more embarrassing than a story that starts, And then I gave him a blowjob beside the dumpster . . . Because that story can go somewhere whereas jealousy is a dead end, the dark underbelly of desire and sadness, the vale of tears stuff. So we go on looking in secret for the cure, all the while sticking ourselves with pins, the staves of the past acting as a torture device, one even our worst enemies couldn't design half so well.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it." Woody Allen

Cocktail Hour
Drinking memoir suggestion: The Center Cannot Hold Elyn Syms

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Friday!

8 comments:

Cheri said...

I love Woody Allen. Mighty Aphrodite made me laugh, he was no matchmaker. It was like an insight into his own life.

Brian in Mpls said...

Woody Allen is classic.

The people buying the nasty bitch be gone candles are practitioners of a derivative of the cult of Passive Aggressive. No candle or potion can ever match the power or magic or life felt in confrontation and willing yourself to go after that which you want...or facing your own demons

robthefob said...

"Because that story can go somewhere whereas jealousy is a dead end..."

Brilliant.

Raelin said...

Sorry the idea of the nasty bitch be gone candle made me laugh...I really needed that :)

~Raelin

PS I made my own blog just thought I would let you know :)

Lana Gramlich said...

The quote reminds me of one from George Goebel to the effect of "The world is a tuxedo & I'm a pair of brown shoes."
My ex was a jealous type, regardless of the fact that he had no need to be. His insanity destroyed our relationship but as I was fond of singing afterwards, "Who's sorry now..?"
You might get a kick out of this site; http://www.heartless-bitches.com/bi/bitchitorial10apr06.shtml

St. Sebastian said...

I was "pinned" many times.

Anonymous said...

So did your *ahem* "client" take this pic?

Scott said...

Your writing (pretty much regardless of what you're writing about) has a lilting, bittersweet quality to it.

Beautiful.