Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Glamour Into Blood
As a child I dreamed that I would live in a big industrial city all alone, working late into the night, returning to my very own space, preferably a penthouse of some sort, pour myself a solitary glass of scotch. I would wear fur coats and thigh high boots and never get married or have children. This might as well have been life on Mars given where I was -- Mineral Wells, a place where the only fur coats were squirrel, the tallest building two stories, and girls were knocked up early and often, marriage soon to follow. Perhaps in my fantasy life I would have a therapist -- all my heroes did: Woody Allen, Philip Roth. And I didn't want any of this new fangled cognitive bullshit either; I wanted an old school psychotherapist which might take years. Favorite last line of any novel comes from Portnoy's Complaint -- after a book of exhausting analysis, the ultimate punchline from the German therapist: "Now vee can begin, yes?"
Things did not turn out as planned, of course. Despite my resolve against men and many NOW meetings (truly unfashionable in the 80s), I fell in love a lot, got caught up in many a romantic drama. Moved to a big city and found it to be more like Mineral Wells than not except for the fact that there are no snakes here, thanks be to Jesus. My forays into therapy left me totally disillusioned with the whole system, proving to me that my chosen secular religion of self-knowledge left much to be desired. There was so much I didn't want to know! Turned out to be the worst fucking patient ever. Never got a real fur coat -- PETA came on the scene and turned glamour into blood, forever changing the landscape with their oh-so-wretched ad showing a woman clubbed to death on the subway for her fur coat with the end comment: Would you like to be killed for your coat? A feminist nightmare to be sure in an age where women are routinely raped and beaten every few minutes. As for the solitary scotch, drinking alone is now frowned on in this abstemious millennium where it seems we could all use a drink more than ever. As for the snakes of my youth, they have entered my dreams where I suspect they will reside forever, and I don't even want to know what my proverbial psychotherapist would have made of that fact.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Whatever is wrong with me, I think it will be a big help to write it in here." Sue Kaufman
Benedictions and Maledictions