Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Infertility, Jealousy, Slavery and Exile


When I was young, I often heard the biblical story of Abraham and Isaac, of sacrificing what you love for God and then not having to because you are willing to do it. This story is one close to my heart, the whole lose your life to gain it thing which I understand instinctively as a writer -- all writers know the heartbreak of having to get rid of things you love in your work, of a calling that demands copious amounts of your time and blood. But the side story of Hagar and Sarah wasn't one that got referenced a lot, the story of infertility and jealousy and slavery and exile. Before Isaac, Abraham had a child with Hagar named Ishmael, and Sarah so consumed with misery over her own inability to produce an heir until late in her life, drove them away.

As a grown woman, I think about that one just as much, the way that our lots in life make us feel sad and jealous about someone else being so much luckier, giving way to massive amounts of schadenfreude when something bad happens to our object of envy. I once tripped in the hall; I'm always falling everywhere no matter what the shoes or the landscape and someone said to me, Serves you right for wearing those high heels all the time. I'd seen her often, a squat woman with the kind of suitcase on wheels that you see flight attendants wheeling through airports. I'm the kind of person who carries everything in a bag and shit is constantly falling out; I lose things left and right. I envy the organized and the light -- I will never wheel a bag or be a person who says, I only need lipstick and a credit card! I saw the woman who made the comment again; her bag had opened and papers flew everywhere, like confetti in a parade, the careful giving way to the ecstatic at least for the moment.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"In every person we meet there's this little piece of God in them and that's who you talk to. And that's the only person that you allow to talk to you. When something else is speaking, you walk away from that. If it's not good, if it's not love, you walk away from it." Terrence Howard

Cocktail Hour
Drinking make-up suggestion: Urban Decay's eyeshadow -- Uzi is my favorite at this moment.

Benedictions and Maledictions
My Aunt Barb, my dad's older sister, died yesterday. She was a big part of my younger days, all those summer trips to Wichita, and I remember visiting her and my Uncle Mac and their dog Snookums like it was yesterday. They had the happiest marriage I can remember witnessing in my youth, totally enthralled with each other and they'd been married forever! Uncle Mac died years ago and I'd like to imagine that today is a very happy day for both of them, reunited at long last. And my deepest condolences to my wonderful cousins, Mike and Pat, and their families.

8 comments:

Cheri said...

It's hard to resist the urge to point and laugh at that person, isn't it?

the walking man said...

First condolences to you for the loss of your aunt, at least there is comfort in knowing she sleeps comfortably with her ancestors.

Second remember Ismael and Hagar were driven out only after Isaac was born, Ishmael becoming the father of all of the Arab nations while Abraham through Isaac became the father of the twelve tribes of the Jews, which according to their own book makes them brothers, and that is part of why I don't understand why they have so much hatred towards each other. They are the supreme definition of dysfunctional family. I don't know what i would do, maybe i would send a crazy e-mail to one or the other to try to make peace between brothers.

Thirdly MISSY even though I am sure you had a smirk on your face did you go and help the tree stump woman gather her papers or did you shine her on forgoing an opportunity to perform a random act of kindness? There is no need to answer for it is between you and God as your spell of the day indicates. But i certainly would like to have been privy to the e-mail God sent you according to what action you took as the confetti flew up to the faceworld o sphere.

Much Peace

mark

Marks Musical Musings for the day:
on the evening train ; Johnny Cash

eric1313 said...

"I envy the organized and the light --"

So do I.

When I try to organize, everything gets wrecked that much worse. You ever put something away for safe keeping and not be able to remember where the hell it was that you put it? That's me.

btw--remember the viking fertility rune that was lost, and you let me pick another, but it was the first, true pick that counts?

Found it! It was in my bookbag all along. I glued it to my desk in front of my monitor. That'll teach it!

And you know how I feel about that particualer old testament story.

Great writing. Take care and we'll all talk again one day in the promised land. Heaven is so nigh!

eric1313 said...

And I'm glad to see you have an upbeat grief response. May it stay that way and add to your life. That's what they would want more than anything.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your loss, but she is now better off than all of us.

Still, that Terrance
Howard quote is a pretty dim insight and kinda humourous.
Was he on ecstasy or something??

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Charles Gramlich said...

I try not to crow when someone gets what they deserve. I often fail miserably.

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