Tuesday, September 04, 2007

You Can Never Be Too Careful

"With your coloring, you should be an actress," the doctor said, standing behind the counter at the urgent care after hours clinic I found myself in for a raging sinus infection that had been laying me low for weeks. "Let her in first," he said. I felt terrible; there was a huge lobby of ill people who had managed to get there before me, and I am many things, but I am not a cutter in line! But I felt so weak and sick, I smiled and took my seat for a few minutes before being called into a small examination room decorated with a ragged Santa figurine and a fake breast that you could palpate to learn how to check yourself for lumps. Cold and tired, I kept my coat on and fell asleep, butcher paper crinkling beneath me. Two hours later, the doctor entered the room, asking if I regularly checked my breasts for lumps (I didn't) and handing me the fake one as a learning experience. He then started bitching about how much he hated working all the time to pay off his student loans and how exhausted he was. I didn't know what to do with the breast so I pretended to study it for all those cancers that hid deep in its center. "You can never be too careful," he said, taking it out of my hand. Then he gave me a bunch of free samples for my infection as I had no health benefits as an adjunct professor. "You deserve a lot more than these. Come back if you ever want to visit." The whole thing, I had to say, was mighty odd, even for me.

I drove home late into the night. Almost Christmas, I tried to appreciate the beauty of the lights and decorations as I drove the long distance (work consisted of going far afield in those days to whatever campus I was assigned), fearing my car would die. As fate would have it, this would be my last semester as an adjunct. In desperate need of money, I took over a class of hooligans, kids so bad that two other teachers had fled and an armed guard was placed at the door. Teaching way too many classes at odd hours took its toll. Almost always sick, almost always tired, I never saw my then boyfriend and my social life consisted of eating dinner alone and watching rerums of Beverly Hills 90210. Trapped in the heart of Detroit winter, I envied their problems that always got resolved by the end of the hour. Mine dragged on and on, like the infection that wouldn't go away, no matter how many free samples I took. I acted like everything was fine, of course. The doctor had been right in his own way about my calling.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that. Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world." Samuel Beckett

Cocktail Hour
Drinking novel suggestion: Goodnight Texas William J. Cobb

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Tuesday!


Ropinator said...

you have very good imagination but it still sounds realistic.
I can't comment you on Wednesday because school activity. I will be quite busy because school so don't feel bad if I don't comment for a few days at any time. :P I am sure you are not writing your stories for me. hehe

Cheri said...

I've been hit on by the med-students at my regular doctors office. One freaked out because I have very very very low blood pressure and thought that I was suffering from some disease. I think it was just his excuse to feel me up all over hahaha.

the walking man said...

I never get sick...only broken, wonder which is worse?

I think sick because you don't smell and never have to jump the line because usually them in by ambulance go to the head of the line. Yeah definitely prefer broken.

Cheri I guess as long as he didn't give you a prostrate exam, and you found the rest funny it was ok!



Anonymous said...

What an unethical lil chode muncher. And im equally appalled that you accepted his offer.

Paul said...


the walking man said...

Fuck off anonymous asshole...wash your mouth out or better yet may you get sick enough to have to go to an emergency room and not be cute enough to be an actress or have low low blood pressure and never see the head of the line for a minimum of five hours. I dislike anonymity on named places you fool of a person.

ignorance is not bliss no matter where you learned your bad manners at


Charles Gramlich said...

I guess he just thought you were a mucosy angel? Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Kalkin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pythia3 said...

I got a little side tracked by the comments - and I don't think you have ever removed one before so that must have been pretty bad.
Now that I got past that...just your talking about being so ill brought back the memories of my very bad strep infection this past June. Same story - too much doing, running, stress and not enough peace and rest. I hate being sick (in terms of illness, but I'll accept the 'cool' definition of it! lol)
I think I'm becoming more and more of a baby when it comes to any bodily discomfort.
PS Consider it a compliment that "anonymous" is a reader.

Cheri said...

Well whatever that comment said it was lame hahahaha. My family doctor knows me well and I hate seeing strange doctors that I don't know.

Like the asshole last summer who just had to touch all the swollen glands in my neck. He could SEE them sticking out like golfballs.. he just had to fondle them though. UGH