Infertility, Jealousy, Slavery and Exile

When I was young, I often heard the biblical story of Abraham and Isaac, of sacrificing what you love for God and then not having to because you are willing to do it. This story is one close to my heart, the whole lose your life to gain it thing which I understand instinctively as a writer -- all writers know the heartbreak of having to get rid of things you love in your work, of a calling that demands copious amounts of your time and blood. But the side story of Hagar and Sarah wasn't one that got referenced a lot, the story of infertility and jealousy and slavery and exile. Before Isaac, Abraham had a child with Hagar named Ishmael, and Sarah so consumed with misery over her own inability to produce an heir until late in her life, drove them away.

As a grown woman, I think about that one just as much, the way that our lots in life make us feel sad and jealous about someone else being so much luckier, giving way to massive amounts of schadenfreude when something bad happens to our object of envy. I once tripped in the hall; I'm always falling everywhere no matter what the shoes or the landscape and someone said to me, Serves you right for wearing those high heels all the time. I'd seen her often, a squat woman with the kind of suitcase on wheels that you see flight attendants wheeling through airports. I'm the kind of person who carries everything in a bag and shit is constantly falling out; I lose things left and right. I envy the organized and the light -- I will never wheel a bag or be a person who says, I only need lipstick and a credit card! I saw the woman who made the comment again; her bag had opened and papers flew everywhere, like confetti in a parade, the careful giving way to the ecstatic at least for the moment.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"In every person we meet there's this little piece of God in them and that's who you talk to. And that's the only person that you allow to talk to you. When something else is speaking, you walk away from that. If it's not good, if it's not love, you walk away from it." Terrence Howard

Cocktail Hour
Drinking make-up suggestion: Urban Decay's eyeshadow -- Uzi is my favorite at this moment.

Benedictions and Maledictions
My Aunt Barb, my dad's older sister, died yesterday. She was a big part of my younger days, all those summer trips to Wichita, and I remember visiting her and my Uncle Mac and their dog Snookums like it was yesterday. They had the happiest marriage I can remember witnessing in my youth, totally enthralled with each other and they'd been married forever! Uncle Mac died years ago and I'd like to imagine that today is a very happy day for both of them, reunited at long last. And my deepest condolences to my wonderful cousins, Mike and Pat, and their families.