What I Will Not Say

When you give something up for forty days as with a Lenten promise, you often find that the thing no longer holds you in its sway anymore. I gave something up this year, what I will not say, and now I have rid myself of a considerable amount of grief in the process. There are, however, things that I could never rid myself of and one of them is food. I have friends who go on long fasts (nothing but lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper for twelve to twenty days), and I am mystified by their self-control. I would stab myself with a fork at the prospect of not eating for so long.

Once when I hadn't eaten all day, I ordered a portabello sandwich. I didn't understand that it didn't have any meat on it whatsoever, that it was just a big mushroom and some grilled onions. I couldn't comprehend a world in which something like that would be considered a meal! (It's the Texas in me, I know.) It was at a retirement party, and the service took forever. A feeling of deep despair overtook me as I saw a giant mushroom set in front of me by a surly waiter who would not be bringing anything else to the table. A friend sitting next to me said, "That was the only time I saw you in misery." Of course, I've been good friends with misery for a long time, but at the sight of more not eating that day, I could have cried. I didn't, of course. I ate the bread with a grim expression on my face, forcing down each bite. Sometimes what you choose for yourself is the very worst thing, and I couldn't have been happier when my plate was taken from me.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"When you can stop, you don't want to. When you want to, you can't." Candy

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: Candy (This one is a heartbreaker.)

Benedictions and Maledictions

Happy Easter, dear readers! Thank you for all your wonderful comments this week. As for a direction for the coming year, I'll defer to the great Billy Bob Thornton. In the movie U-Turn, he plays an auto mechanic negotiating with Sean Penn over how much it will take to fix Sean's car. Sean offers him his watch, an expensive one without any numbers and Billy Bob replies, "No numbers, no doo-dads, no nothing? I think I'll stick with what I've got." Which is to say that I can't think of anything else but what I've been doing. Thanks for sticking with me, friends!

The Sopranos are finally here! This is better than Christmas morning! If anyone calls me between the hours of 9-10:30pm, he or she will be pistol-whipped. Not to put to fine a point on it.