Thursday, April 12, 2007

Three Feet Of Water



In my freezer at this moment, I have two ice-cube trays with tiny ice-cubes shaped like the state of Texas, four bottles of vodka (all flavored, none that seem as good as they did when I bought them; two are blue-colored and called Envy. Like the emotion, the bottle is lovely, the taste is not), and half a pack of cigarettes left from a friend of mine who smokes (why I keep them in the freezer is a mystery even to me). In my refrigerator, I have six cans of Dr. Pepper, one can of Sprite, two bottles of Rose's Lime Juice, two bottles of mustard, and a jar of olives. Even so, I'll go downstairs from time to time and hang on the door, thinking that maybe there is something to eat that I have missed. I can hear my mother, long dead, saying, Do you think things are going to change because you're looking at them?

Which, I must admit, is a good question. When I was a little girl, a friend of mine did a rousing rendition of Hall and Oates' "Private Eyes" complete with pseudo-seductive hand gestures while resting on a raft in the inflatable swimming pool in our backyard. My dad started clapping at the end, saying in all sincerity, That was great!, and my friend nearly died of embarrassment. I'd have never done it, he said, if I knew your dad was watching. He tried to drown himself, but the pool wasn't deep enough for him to even get his hair all the way wet. Death, it seemed, was not to come that day even though statistically most drownings occur in less than three feet of water.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"I have a gift for enraging people, but if I ever bore you it will be with a knife." Louise Brooks

Cocktail Hour

Drinking memoir suggestion: Lulu in Hollywood Louise Brooks

Benedictions and Maledictions

Thanks for all the great answers to yesterday's question about The Sopranos. My own answer changes, depending the situation, but if pressed, I'd have to say Tony, a man more tired than a stripper on the late shift at the Bada Bing. And thanks for the encouragement for Baby Grouchie. I shall post his work as it comes; I suspect he will be a minimalist like his mother, and the segments, although teeny-tiny, will pack a punch.

19 comments:

Tony Soprano said...

When Carmela and I were separated, I would still come over to use the backyard swimming pool. I think she was watching me so I'd do a cannonball. I can do a pretty good one. You also have to yell out "CANNONBALL!!!".

Rodney Dangerfield said...

Very decorous decolletage in that photo, Michelle, and pardon my French if you know what I mean.

JLCGULL said...

I like Rose's Lime Juice, but in moderation. It's beek-smacking good!

Charles Gramlich said...

Booze in my house? A couple sixers of Abita Amber beer, some Frangelico, a bottle of gifted wine, and a fifth of Absolute without about three fingers remaining in the bottom. Three fingers of booze that is, not anatomy. I keep those in the...freezer.

Carlo Gervasi said...

After I stabbed Fat Dom to death for killing Vito, I kept his head in my car garage's freezer. I used an empty bowling ball bag to transport the head to an isolated sewer and then I kicked Dom the soccer ball goodbye. Tony Soprano loved it.

C. Bukowski said...

"...Tony, a man more tired than a stripper on the late shift at the Bada Bing" is an excellent line, Michelle. I have been there and done that if, as Rodney says, you know what....

JLCGULL said...

I may be prejudiced in this matter because of the name and whenever I'm flush with cash I prefer Grey Goose vodka. It's such a smooth, luxurious booze.

JAM said...

Great quote. Is Louise Brooks your mom?

Death Notice said...

"Nobody fucks with Paul Lazaro"--from the movie version of Kurt Vonnegut's magnificent novel, "Slaughterhouse-Five." RIP Kurt Vonnegut.

Gandhi said...

"'Do you think things are going to change because you're looking at them.'" That is very wise, indeed.

Short bus and Special said...

Grouchies will be a great writer some days! Nice boobies!

Heather Mills said...

Nice leg!

the walking man said...

so you can take the woman out of Texas but not Texas out of the freezer? You keep tobacco products in the freezer because it keeps them fresher longer, even opened ones.

Sounds to me like you had plenty of food in there 4 bottles of booze and some olives, what more do you need?

I have no alcohol but plenty of different drugs all stored at room temperature.

and yes when I look at something long enough it will change...at least it will get older.

Bird on a Wire said...

What a lovely last sentence! The dark humor seems very much in the spirit of the great Kurt Vonnegut.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Booze in my house doesn't last long. Sad thing of it is, I'm the only one who drinks.

realbigwings said...

That was classic, the shift that came with your dad's sincerity. I'm sure I would've attempted any means of quick exit as well.

*I strongly support Grouchie's creativity and only remind him to watch his green fur in the typewriter heart. Don't want to get tangled.

Laura said...

I just got through doing my federal and state tax forms. . . I could sure use those 4 bottles of Vodka right now!!!

Serenity's big bro in the 313 said...

You are at your best here, m. Talking about your writing!

dig that deep
Teach grouchomundo ellegant compression!

"It was a dark and stormy night"
--Snoopy

Will Snoopy's work ever be matched in our lifetime?

rip KV jr

"all the people who died, died"

"stay gold, pony"

take care and keep listening to the voice of your people, as well as your heart.

Sheila said...

hmmm, in my fridge I have a dozen eggs, a twelve pack of faygo cola, and most of a bottle of Tequilla Rose that I bought for myself as a Christmas gift. Like you said.... doesn't really seem as good as when I first bought it. Hope you have a great weekend Michelle!