Wednesday, December 09, 2009

The Whole World Is A Graveyard

A year ago today, I almost died. I can sort of get my mind around this knowledge, but only partially because I don't know that anyone can comprehend her own death. I can hear my dear Hank saying, That's because they're too busy imagining other people's death. He also enjoyed telling people, Homicide not suicide when they got perturbed. He's been dead for a handful of years now, and I still hear him all the time in my head as if nothing had changed. I had written a blog post every single day for two years and a year ago was the first time I missed a day. I hated missing even one day, although I have let up on my iron discipline a bit since the whole ruptured appendix debacle. A year ago today, the doctors said I didn't have a very good shot at survival. I had last rites, which was kind of cool. I'd recommend this even if you're healthy just to get it out of the way. Then I had some hope, and then the doctors finally said I got to go home (are there ever any sweeter words than these in any context? I don't think so) and hope that the sepsis didn't return. They had no real idea why I survived by their own admission. Or why nothing bad came of the whole experience -- I could have had the sepsis return or as a doctor friend told me, I'm glad you still have your memory. A lot of people have brain damage after the shock. Good to know.

But what I did get was far more than I could have imagined. All of my friends, readers, family (and most people fit into more than one category) showed me more love and support than I could imagine. I'm certainly not worthy of such love, but hey, I'll take it! I wish I could properly thank everyone, tell each person how their well wishes and small and large kindnesses brought me back from the valley of dry bones. And that you can learn to sing the songs of Zion in a foreign land, the land of illness and brokenness and return more grateful than ever.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
“Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary. It happens all the time.” Susan Cheever

Cocktail Hour
Go have your favorite drink and celebrate, my dears!

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Wednesday! And yes my dearest Mark, the year of sickness is over. But I get a coney too!


jodi said...

Doll, be cautious with your health. NO ONE wants you to go thru that again! And go have a coney with Mark.. xoxo

Charles Gramlich said...

You recommend gettting last rites out of the way! Lol. I nearly lost it over that line. I'm very glad things worked out so that you didn't need them just then.

Scott said...


Your friend's quote is scarily like one of my own-'Suicide is never the answer, but homicide may be', LOL.

I'm glad you did decide to defy the docs and stick around, Darlin'. :) Hope your week is going well.

Tim said...

It was so unusual when you suddenly stopped writing about this time last year, after posting daily, that I started to become concerned, not knowing that my concerns were well founded and I should have been praying for you at the time. I think you've been given a new lease on life for a reason and from what I see in your writing you're making the most of it. Very happy you decided to stay with us...Lets not be doing that again though.
Also I think a one year anniversary picture of the scar is in order...?? :)

the walking man said...

"I'm certainly not worthy of such love, but hey, I'll take it!"

Self deprecating humor eh?

We could pretend we're at Nathans annual pig out and see which of us could eat more loaded dogs?

Anonymous said...

I sometimes wonder why I keep coming back to this blog.

The Maxim/Addams Family pictures?

Maybe. Certainly it adds to the experience.

The ironic ass-backwards theme of "young girl runs from Sun Belt to decaying Rust Belt city to find herself?"

Yeah, that has a lot to do with it.

The intellectuals who comment?

A lot to do with that, too.

But mostly I want to read about the selfless, giving person who suffers greatly, never-the-less.

I think that, in your spiritual belief system, people like you are called saints.

The Professor said...

We are worthy of the love that we are willing to receive into our hearts. To take it into your heart means to act on that love, and return to those who gave it.

Your writing, and this blog, is an act of love, of sharing that you put out into the universe. All those who sent love were just returning what you sent out.

Maybe love can be like the first law of thermodynamics. It can't be destroyed, just transformed.

Lana Gramlich said...

I'm so glad you're still with us, hon. I hope things only get better from that horrible time onward.