Monday, August 03, 2009

When The Moment Is Right

I watch television while I'm on the treadmill (and yes, it's a perfect metaphor -- expending a lot of energy going nowhere while watching television that goes nowhere) and I have to say that there seem to be an inordinate number of ads for erectile dysfunction. I'm groovy cool with this as I can imagine that men are under a lot of pressure to umm, perform, and perhaps these potions help. Let's face it, Spanish Fly wasn't the answer so perhaps Levitra, Cialis, Viagra, or any of their little friends might be. I like all the euphemistic ways the ads handle the delicate subject of "being ready" for the right moment. My only question is the constant use of outdoor bathtubs in these ads. Do grown men and women install side by side bathtubs in beautiful outdoor gardens or by the edge of lakes and sit in them holding hands? Has this ever happened? When did the claw-footed bathtub start to signal middle-aged foreplay?

Sex is far more mysterious than anyone can portray in an ad or women's magazine. Ten tricks he's dying for you to try tonight! (These are as irritating as the come hither headlines of Poets and Writers magazine -- What you really need to know about getting an agent, etc.) Isn't there enough bullshit fantasy just induced by one or two viewings of Say Anything or Reality Bites (the only movie where picking the loserly mean hygienically-challenged angst-ridden Ethan Hawke character would be considered an existential victory) to leave us in a world of fantasy? The Bible says that love is a profound mystery which I buy. But bathtubs in the middle of nowhere while you pop pills and hope that Jack the Ripper doesn't show up when the "time is right?" That's an even bigger mystery.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"The most difficult thing is what is thought to be the simplest; to really see the things which are before your eyes." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Cocktail Hour
Drinking memoir suggestion: Self-Made Man Norah Vincent

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Monday! And belated birthday wishes to my dear friend Priscilla!


Dave said...

Ten tricks he's dying for you to try tonight!

Here are mine:

1. A nice thick steak with Idaho Potatoes!

2. Pre-ordered ESPN NFL Sports Pack that includes pre-season games.

3. Washes vintage "Home of the Whopper" underwear without trying to throw it out (see how I tied this back to your post theme?)

4. Mowed the lawn, freeing up my Saturday afternoon.

5. Cancelled her book club meeting this Thurday where she and her friends were going to endlessly dissect The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas

6. "Sarah wants to go to Chuck E Cheese for her birthday next month, but I said 'No Way!'"

7. "You know, Dave, that extra fat smooths out your skin and makes you look younger."

8. James Bond Marathon on TNT tonight? No problem!

9. Three Stooges Marathon Saturday night? No problem!

10. "Dave: Mom and Dad want to come and visit this weekend, but I'm just not up to it. What do you think?"

Tim said...

I think:
It shows mostly older men in those ads because when we're young and always ready our wives are never in the mood, so after years of rejection things don't spring to action like they used to. Then when we're older the wives will find that they really do have a sex drive and we can have our way with them in the tub by the lake and it will be romantic. But our minds are telling our lower quadrant that she's just tricking us, so we'll have to pop some blue pills to shut out the suspicious brain mutterings and make things work like they did when we were teenagers. I mean, I don't know about anyone elses' wife, but if mine suddenly wanted to get physical outdoors after all these years I'd be looking nervously around for the hitman she hired to plug me for the insurance money. But hey, that's just me.

Scott said...


You'd think they'd be in the same damn tub if they really wanted to get things going. Those ads are kind of weird, but if the day ever came (may all the Gods forbid it)that I needed those pills, I'd eat them like M&Ms...I'm just sayin'.

Great pic , by the way...will you do my yardwork for me? :)

jodi said...

Darling Michelle, Only you can make yard work sexay! How about that poor Bob dude, dressed in a santa suit with the ladies linin' up to sit on his "now ready" lap. I say "give it up ladies and find a young, fresh one. He probably has!" Oh, and how about those cute little massagers for ladies that just fit on your finger and come in a plain, brown wrapper. At 3:00 in the afternoon! I'm just sayin'...xoxo

Charles Gramlich said...

The key to most advertising is that we're either not getting enough of something or we're getting too much.

the walking man said...

Only you could look like June Cleaver in this picture and only you would try to mow the mulch in winter after having spread the salt.

I tried the little blue ones and I tried the little brown ones and never had the one side effect that I may have put to good use...a four hour or better hard on.

But I did get the other side effect they warn about...the headache...Jaysus, what good is an erection causing pill if it gives the guy the headache?

Jason said...

Erectile dysfunction meds make me laugh because they are covered by insurance where, many times, birth control isn't.

Michelle, for reals, who do you pick in Reality Bites? What about Sixteen Candles? Duckie or Jake?