Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Love And Marriage



Hi everyone! Thanks for the great comments on my marriage post. Working on a longer piece about this issue. I've been reading a lot of provocative writing on this subject lately and agree with Jodi that in a highly sexualized culture, it's hard to make compromises at times. Also, I think that getting married later can be a very good idea, but also brings with it particular challenges that we as a society haven't entirely managed to handle well at times. I also tend to think that most relationships go through three phases -- the honeymoon, the inevitable disappointment, and then mature love. Sadly, it's my contention that most relationships don't ever get to the mature love phase, the comfortable happy phase where we don't expect to agree on everything, don't think the person is the answer to all sadness and love the person all the more for what he or she actually is. We spend a lot of time putting people on the proverbial pedestal and then not ever getting over the bitterness when that person doesn't measure up to the ideal. I also know a lot of people who married a second choice out of pressure or fear. Also a recipe for disaster. But I'll put more thoughts into this as the week progresses. Hope you guys are surviving July!

6 comments:

the walking man said...

Aww shit! You mean the old lady had me on a pedestal and I missed it? I wanna go backwards in time.

Anonymous said...

Very nicely put, Michelle. You scored a matchpoint.--R. Nadal

Dave said...

I got married for the first time at 34 and at 50 the marriage still seems to be working. I am my wife's second husband. She got married the first time at 18. She says that she was an idiot.

Two keys to a happy marriage:

1) Low Expectations.
2) Don't get married under 30.

Charles Gramlich said...

I stand by my say three nice things to spouse each day.

Anonymous said...

I WAS MARRIED AT 18 AND STILL AM TO MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART. WE WILL BE CELEBRATING OUR 56TH ANNIVERSARY. OUR SECRET, WELL IF I KNEW I WOULD BOTTLE IT AND GIVE IT TO ALL THE COUPLES IN THE WORLD.

Chris Knight said...

I was married at 28 and now divorced. I think there is some merit to waiting a bit later. In my case, I'm just waiting for God to make me ready in His own time for the girl that I still pray might be out there for me.

There's plenty of time yet.

And as one friend of mine is fond of putting it: "I've been twice married successfully. I pray the third one won't be." :-P