Monday, July 20, 2009

A Deck Of Cards

I'm convinced the reason I didn't die in December is that I had two thoughts upon surrendering to God's will in the matter -- at least I got a book accepted (even if I didn't see the final product) and I'm really bummed about missing the final episodes of Celebrity Rehab. Such depth! But seven months out, I can say that recovery is both easier and more difficult than I thought it would be. The episode doesn't really haunt me in the predictable ways; I don't have nightmares about it, and I haven't turned into a hypochondriac, instead choosing to plod along as I always have. One difference -- I don't point knives at myself in jest to scare friends and family. Despite my penchant for a mild form of self-destructive behavior, self-mutilation has never been my thing. I suppose when you're clinging to this as painting you as the picture of health, you disprove your own case with more efficacy than a poison pen enemy.

When I was young, I remember attending a few church lock-ins. For those who are not familiar, it's where a bunch of kids spend the night inside a church for spiritual strengthening. What I remember about these nights is that inevitably someone snuck in alcohol or tarot cards or some couple made out in the pulpit. The more sophisticated went for the immediate pleasures of the flesh, while the more timid of us stuck to trying to read the future. But of course, the future is more wondrous and awful than any of us can see in a deck of cards, no matter what images are on them. What I remember is that the death card wasn't supposed to be bad even though it looked terrifying. But, of course, change always is.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"You can educate yourself right out of a relationship with God." Tammy Faye Bakker

Cocktail Hour
Drinking suggestion: Lemonade, vodka, cherries, ice. What more do you need for summer?

Benedictions and Malediction
Happy Monday! In memoriam for Tammy Faye Bakker, who died two years ago today.


the walking man said...

Michelle...Change is what it is. And mostly the turning of the tide that brings that change, is well beyond the control of the ones doing the changing, either through self determination or forced realization. No one can be certain that the new course is going to result in the destination set out for.

*shrug* You go where you will and do what you must and know we too are simply thankful that you aren't going there in a casket from last year.

Be Well; always be well little buddy.

Dave said...

Michelle, always remember the immortal words of Ty Webb:

Danny, see your future, be your future. May, make, make it, make it. Make your future Danny. I'm, I'm a veg', Danny.

Heff said...

My deck's all a flutter.

Charles Gramlich said...

We didn't do lock ins where I come from. I'm surprised actually. It sounds like something the folks around my home town would have thought of as a good idea.

laughingwolf said...

hang in there, michelle!

Scott said...


Nice insights on church functions, the Tarot, and Life in general.

And, as always, nice pic,too. :)