Monday, March 31, 2008
The Same Story Over Again
Two years ago to this day, I started this blog without a clue where it might go or what I might have to say. I almost never wrote nonfiction before I did this because I didn't know how to appropriate my life for that purpose -- like the popular children's book, my days seemed to be a series of unfortunate events with a lot of comic interludes and some wonderful bits of joy. Stories and poems seemed to be it for me. I could assume someone else's voice (albeit at times a thinly veiled autobiographical one), but never my own. In the eighties, those long ago days of big hair and moody music, there was a lot of talk about owning things -- possessions, feelings, your truth. My truth was that I was happy to own a few books and some clothes. As for my feelings, who else would they belong to? So far as I could tell, nobody was lining up for a dose of my particular gloompot ways.
Once someone I have grown to deeply dislike said, You're telling the same story over again. I said, So what? To which he replied, Well, I know how you hate to repeat yourself. But he didn't know me at all. I love to repeat the same stories over again, warm my hands to them like a campfire that never goes out. We don't have that many stories really -- the same sorts of things tend to happen to us over and over, ala Jungian synchronicity or kismet or whatever force you want to credit. And the truth is that I have a deep fond feeling for the events that have made me who I am, even the bad stuff. Sufficed to say, I would not wish to relive much of the past. But I kind of do on the blog. I guess I'm owning something or owning up to something, coming to terms, all those expressions for that nebulous act of accepting complicity for your life. In the picture, I'm holding one of my favorite pictures I've ever taken, a brick building with a simple cross and block lettering -- Here's Hope. It brings to mind that even in tremendous suffering there is something else, that one good element in Pandora's box. You can find it anywhere, even on the side of a building in Detroit, maybe especially there.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I always do make a back story for myself, but I'm not sure how necessary it is. I just like to." Gena Rowlands
Drinking movie suggestion: Christiane F.
Benedictions and Maledictions