For years my friends and I would spend hours in the video store, trying to pick a Friday night movie. Nobody could agree on anything so we'd cruise the same racks over and over, the way I enjoyed hanging on the refrigerator door, hoping that something I did not buy would appear, dismayed as hell that the same rotting jar of mustard was there. "Don't you want to see When Harry Met Sally again?: someone would ask to which another diplomat in the group would reply, "Fuck that shit; let's watch The Great Escape." Man, all I wanted to do was escape whatever off-brand video store was eating up our time. Eventually a decision would be made, born of desperation and a deep need for a drink, and we'd all head back to someone's apartment to watch the movie and curse the person who chose it if it turned out bad. My friend Hank came up with the idea of movie probation -- for a real howler, a person could lose their choosing rights for weeks. I agree with this completely -- one of my friends once suggested a long, turgid movie called Joe Gould's Secret because someone gave it a good review at the Onion. I have little to no idea what his secret was, but by the end, I felt as if I'd been lobotomized in some subtle way. Movie probation time, baby! Blame someone at the Onion if you will, but probation all the same.
Years later, Hank would institute an all boys kung-fu night. This truly sucked as I had dated many of the gentleman who would hang out at Hank's not-so-well appointed apartment for a night of violence, cigars, and Jack Daniels. Okay, so this left some time open for more interesting pursuits like looking around Bath and Body Works and wondering if Wild Honeysuckle Bliss lotion would be better than Moonlit Path. I was nothing if not wildly ambitious. I tried to get the skinny on these godforsaken kung-fu nights, but nothing was revealed except that they had to search far and wide for more kung-fu movies as they'd seen a lot of them. The fallback was the camp classic, Curse of the Queerwolf. I can only say that it helps if you have copious amounts of alcohol to accompany this gem. But sometimes they'd rent things in other languages; subtitles didn't bother them. What was being said was often a mystery, but the violence was not. That is a language, for better or worse, that we all understand.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
“Writing saved me from the sin and inconvenience of violence.” Alice Walker
Drinking music suggestion: Moanin' At Moonlight Howlin' Wolf
Benedictions and Maledictions