Secrets The Balloons Didn't Tell

Here's another excerpt from Second Day Reported about one of the worst weddings I ever attended which is saying something. Thanks for reading!

The bride who bore my name (her groom the name of my ex-husband -- fun times already given that it was the first wedding I attended after my divorce) and she looked like a drag queen, make-up courtesy of Mary Kay and trowel. I sat with my best friend's boyfriend (she was a bridesmaid) who had recently moved from Detroit to be with her after years of long distance, and his adjustment was not going well -- he harbored a longing for the camaraderie of the north and for its bar culture -- a longing he soothed in part by nightly consumption of many glasses of Crown Royal and Coke chased by White Castles that he bought in the frozen food section of Piggly Wiggly. He'd gained a lot of weight since the move and homesickness hung on him like a jacket he couldn't bring himself to take off.

Before the wedding, I helped Angela decorate the marital bed with flowers and silly string. The bride barged in, glass of champagne in hand.

"I'm going to have sex in a limo tonight, even if it means going around the block a few times. I've never been in a limo," she said.

I knew secrets about the wedding, secrets that the programs and balloons and match books didn't tell. The bride had had three abortions -- the last two involved the groom. The latest one they endured together, and the grisly aftermath involved bleeding that would not stop and a trip to the emergency room. John Candy died that week, another sad funny guy with a swollen, exhausted heart and the groom cried off and on for a week.

"It's just so sad," he'd say, during montages of Candy's career highlights. "He was so young and brought joy to so many." He seemed particularly choked up during Uncle Buck, but usually managed to pull it together by Canadian Bacon. My namesake took the event in stride and her attitude was that of the ultimate pragmatist. "I've been pregnant three times. When I want it to happen, it should be easy."

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Map out your future - but do it in pencil. The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip." Jon Bon Jovi

Cocktail Hour
Drinking music suggestion: Back In Black AC/DC

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Sunday! Thanks for all the recent e-mail and comments. I should be caught up on everything in a couple of days. And Laura, I think there's a cool soap skull in your future!