A Gift For The Whole Family

The worst gift I ever got was an old bowl of chocolates infested by ants. Wrapped and under the tree, the ants had made their way out of the snowflake-themed paper and had set up camp underneath the Christmas tree. I always played Santa every year, having a keen eye for who had more gifts than others and keeping the flow of them relatively even. Open another! I might say to someone who had three million presents while someone else would only get something every other turn. There's an art to making it look like everybody gets as much as everyone else! Not true in life, but we do what we can at Christmas where illusion is prized over cold hard reality. So there I was, dressed in a Santa Baby t-shirt and skirt, I kept feeling something biting me. Nothing is biting you, Michelle, my mother said. Do your job! So I kept giving out presents, getting stung.

Finally, the offending gift was unwrapped, ants everywhere. It was a gift for the whole family so I gave it to my dad, who had less gifts than everyone else and he opened it and dropped it on the floor. I told you I was getting bit, I said, glaring at my mother. She laughed. Guess you were right, she said. I bet it's a hundred years old, probably passed from Christmas to Christmas. She brought out a bottle of Raid and sprayed a little. Let's get to the rest of it, she said. You're still Santa. The rest of the night was ribbons and bows, me ever vigilant for ants. Those bastards get into everything! The next morning, the tree looked barren, the sad truth of Christmas morning when you open on Christmas Eve. I didn't have a job anymore, just these little sores from the night before, the aftermath of the worst regifting in the world.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I've been a pretty lucky guy. Reckless enough to have a good time, not so reckless that I ended up in jail." Charlie Wilson

Cocktail Hour
Drinking morning suggestion: It's the holidays -- Hello, peach bellinis!

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Sunday! And much love and support to our old family friends, the Trimbles, on their loss of Barb, beloved wife and mother whose funeral is today. She was always so kind and funny -- she will be missed sorely. Rest in peace, dearest Barb!