Thursday, December 09, 2010

Alive Day



Two years ago today, I almost died. A lot of factors played into the whole not dying thing -- an urgent care that stayed open for two hours past closing time, a doctor who realized that I was septic and sent for an ambulance, an excellent surgeon whom I only remember from his Pittsburgh Steelers do-rag, and a team of nurses who kept me sane for the next few weeks. The love and prayers of my friends and family, most certainly, and perhaps, as they say, it wasn't my time to go. My friend Angela says God was merciful; I can't argue with this statement. The upshot was that I survived a ruptured appendix and the subsequent septic shock after being told that I probably wouldn't. On the news that month, a Brazilian model suffered a similar affliction and after having her hands and feet amputated, she died.

People asked if this experience changed me. The honest answer is I hope so. I might never wear a bikini again! Kidding . . . the scar is kind of cool. If only my abs were well, existent. But in all seriousness, I try to think about what I want to do with my only life, the only one I'm promised in this form, and I try to do well by others. I don't always succeed, of course; I'm far from perfect. But the desire for perfection has faded in light of almost dying, that twilight zone of almost not making it. I'm happier, a lot happier, in many ways with myself and others. I don't worry so much. Healing took a long time, the real healing that comes from coming back to yourself. And like an old friend, I'm happy to see myself, I pour myself a Dr. Pepper and invite myself to watch a little television, maybe even stay for dinner. I don't demand anything of her; she's welcome to keep me company. The only surprise? Well, she's a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it." Charles Schulz

Cocktail Hour
Movie suggestion: Howl

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Thursday!

8 comments:

Dave said...

May we have many more Michelle Years!

Shea Goff said...

beautiful.

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm glad the stars were aligned for you that night.

jodi said...

My Belle, Ah yes, forgiveness and acceptness is a comforting thing. I love it that you are here and accepting of your yourself. We love you, Tiny. xoxo

Anonymous said...

closer i am to fine.

the walking man said...

So much for the winter of your discontent now on to the spring of your evolution. That's a metaphor by the by because that shit ass snow is just now starting here after raining for the past three hours.

Lana Gramlich said...

We're certainly glad to still have you. :)

Pythia3 said...

Hi Michelle...I have been out of the loop for over two years now. I went back to school, yada yada....and life has been crazy.
And I had no idea you went through all of that two years ago.
Well, I am certainly happy that you made it through and you are still going strong! Your energy is as great as ever.
Are you still in Texas or back in the D?
If you are here, maybe we can meet up for coffee sometime.
Take care and hopefully we'll talk soon.
Lindy