Monday, August 04, 2008

My Blood Went Cold



Four years ago today, I was on a plane returning home after my dad died in a plane crash. Seated next to me was a woman named Sanyo, a word that means health. "I renamed myself at three," she said. "I wouldn't answer to anything else." She looked really normal, not like a Sanyo which I suppose kind of made her point. "Can I buy you a drink?" she asked. She'd overheard me explaining what had happened on my cell phone before the flight. She most certainly could buy me a drink and when the stewardess heard what happened, she gave us half the bottle of vodka for free.

Much has happened in those four years, much has stayed the same. Memory is a funny thing. I remember going to yoga that morning and eating donut holes in the parking lot of Tim Horton's with my friend Cal after class (who says you can't have it both ways?), and I remember a homeless woman coming up to our window. I gave her five dollars; I don't know why. She said, "I'm so so sorry," in this creepy voice, and I felt a chill. She had the look of someone who had used crack for a long time, a zombie. And she felt sorry for me. Not a great sign. I remember how I felt when I got the news, how all my blood went cold -- there really is no other way to describe this peculiar physical sensation. That and the knowledge of deep shock, despair, and how things would get a lot worse before they got any better. All of this proved to be true. Sanyo gave me her card; she worked for a computer company. I've often wondered how she is doing, a good Samaritan bought me a drink. Health sat near me that day, and we toasted to better times which is always a good wish, no matter how distant.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"At last we are in it up to our necks, and everything is changed, even your outlook on life." Ernie Pyle

Cocktail Hour
Drinking memoir suggestion: Drunkard Neil Steinberg

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Monday!

9 comments:

laughingwolf said...

[sorry, been away]

that's some freaky story, michelle, :(

Anonymous said...

Pilot error?--Wrong Way Corrigan

Charles Gramlich said...

suddenly a lot of folks are talking about losses. I wonder if it's the season, coming to the close of summer? Makes me afraid, worrying about my mom.

Anonymous said...

Love to you dearest. Hope you're hanging in, Deanna

John Ricci said...

Dearest Michelle
A sad Bravo. Lovely view as always with a vigorous humorous child shot of the perfect Little Catholic Girl thinking of God and Mary. In these hard times champagne wishes and caviar dreams dear Catholic One. May All Your Dreams Come True!

the walking man said...

The anniversary dates can be worse than the day we heard bad news. When we're very close to the facts we are insulated by shock and pain but after time the insulation goes and we have to remember without any degree of separation other than time.

Personally having been to more funerals in the past couple of years then any person should have to go through. I have a lot of anniversary's around this time of year.

I wish I could sniff the cap of a fifth but I won't, so what I do when the appointed hours roll up on me is simply focus on the life, the good that particular person was in my life and, I see that as long as they remain in my memory they never sleep to me.

It's all good kiddo.

chris said...

Unpleasent memories,we all got them.I for one am not looking forward to those that still remain.

Here is to your health,may it remain with you for many years to come. How is the toe doing ?

Laura said...

Sometimes I believe very strongly in time travel. We live and relive our lives, touching certain points again and again to bring new layers to the experience.

This is one experience I wish you didn't have to relive, honey. xo

Lana Gramlich said...

I may be the world's biggest cynic, but I do appreciate random acts of kindness, particularly perpetrated by complete strangers at times of greatest need.

(You have TIMMY'S there??? Of COURSE! Why didn't I realize that sooner? Gads, what I wouldn't give for a large double double & a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese about now!)