Monday, February 04, 2008

They Pick Us

Printed out all my blog entries the other day and if I stand on them, I gain four inches in height, as much as I would with a pair of Manolo Blahniks, but without the wearing pain of such footwear. I have about twenty subjects, all cheery if the following sample is to be trusted -- sexual violence, keeping faith in a fallen world, the dead. I joked to a friend the other day that I should host a show; it could be like the newlywed game, except it would be the newly dead game and the questions wouldn't be light-hearted romps about funny little quirks. Instead they'd be grim sad realities about what we miss and cannot get back.

Seeing all those entries in black in white was a tad off-putting as I started the task of organizing them into a more coherent essay form. But I often think of Raymond Carver, about how he contended that we don't pick our subjects, that they pick us. So I feel like I did when an obviously mentally-ill dude yelled at me, I know who you are. Yeah, you girly. Fuck you. I had not addressed him or done anything except walk down the street, and yet there he was, in my face. My subjects are much the same way -- rude, obnoxious, and disturbing. But I recognize them all the same and have come to love them because even though they're not always kind, they always know me and there's something to be said for being seen.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
“Courage is as often the outcome of despair as of hope; in the one case we have nothing to lose, in the other, everything to gain.” Diane de Pointiers

Cocktail Hour
Drinking memoir suggestion: Her Last Death Susanna Sonneberg

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Monday!


Brian in Mpls said...

I just did the sam thing this weekend and then read threw them and realized I depress

Rush said...

Your bleak subjects typify you as a victim in the liberal cult of victimology.

Sheila said...

oh my god that is so funny, I have been doing the same thing. I don't have my recent entries printed out but I do have all of 2006 and 2007 in a 3 inch three ring binder. Maybe one day I'll publish some or all of them in some kind of weird collection of my life. haha

the walking man said...

...And God knows you could use the extra height! Subjects ARE like a madman on the street getting in your face when you're not giving them the attention they want because you were looking somewhere else.

maybe one day I will care enough to print it all out, I know when I used to care and was printing I have two bankers boxes full (or is it three?)(oh how I love to pat myself on the back for throughput writing) but for now as long as the hard drive remains stable it can all stay where it is.

Now what kind of shoes were those? They sound wretched.



RRN said...

I look at everyones footwear. Then I think about why they are wearing what they are. Fashion or function ? Where is this person going ? Where have they been ? Shoes tell many stories.

I loved this post ~

Charles Gramlich said...

I don't print mine out any longer. Too much material. I do keep them in a separate journal file, though, so I can easily access them if I need to check on something.