Sunday, February 24, 2008

Cast Your Bread Upon The Waters

I find myself thinking about being sick this week and trying to pull something good from the experience, like when we took spent matches in Bible school and made them into crosses. There wasn't enough money for real art supplies so we did our best. Being sick, can't get out of bed if you want to ill, gives a soul a lot of time to think and pray. I spent some of it praying for death (Please God, if you do not want me well, take me now), being glad that I was too weak to pick up the guns under my bed meant for intruders but that were looking pretty good, and wondering when the last time was that I spent a day doing absolutely nothing. So I spent some time thinking about the book I'm trying to write, about the structure of it, hoping that something would present itself like a Rorsharch spot and the shapeless would somehow became flesh. It didn't, but I started writing anyway. Two chapters in, I have no idea where it will go. And the control freak part of me is trying to be okay with that.

Sickness means a lot of things, but mostly it means giving up control. You can't do what you want, you can't force your will. All that stuff that was so fucking important and had to be done evaporates into a sea of later or never. You find yourself glad for the little things and happy to be alive when the fever breaks. I'm a little depressed -- it would be hard not to be after such an ordeal. But I have a start on a project that I've longed to start for some bit of time, and I'm back into the world. Some people are never this lucky! The sun is shining in Detroit, which is strange and disturbing, but I suspect I'll get used to the brightness after a bit.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single." Tiny Tim

Cocktail Hour
Drinking memoir suggestion: Have You Found Her Janice Erlbaum

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Sunday! Thanks for all the kindness this week -- you guys pulled me through the worst flu of my life! Hope everyone out there is staying well. Still working on the video and hope to have it posted very soon.


Cheri said...

I agree, that was one awful flu. I managed to miss only one day of work... but I wasn't without the fever/bodyaches/cough/general malaise that comes with it. People avoided me. They used my handsanitzer like it was liquid gold.

Already at this job I've had a lot of interesting experiences, things to write about that I've filed away in my head. One girl I met was on America's Next Top Model and said that Tyra Banks is really ugly up close. We'll see, I don't know if I'll ever meet her. =D

Anonymous said...

We get muches art stuffs and draw the Last Suppers cups in the chuch basements!!--Short Bus and Special

realbigwings said...

Ah yes... You describe well the lessons of body limitations. I've spent a lot of time in that classroom.
*I'm so glad you're feeling better* Happy days to you, Michelle.


the walking man said...

Now how much time did you devote to those two chapters and how much time did you lie there awake thinking about the form and function of the manuscript? You know you should have been asleep during those hours, sleep is when the body shuts down to heal itself dufus.

But I am glad you got through it, next year get a goddamn flu shot.



Anonymous said...

Rodney Dangerfield said: You look OK to me, if you know what I mean.

Brian in Mpls said...

Sometimes the only good thing I get out of an experience is a sincere desire that I never repeat it

Charles Gramlich said...

I've found a strange thing about myself. I tend to pray more when things are going well. When the bad things come, like sickness, I tend to hunker down and try to wait it out.

Lana Gramlich said...

I hope you feel better soon.
(BTW, I met Tiny Tim when I was 15 & have the photo to prove it. He thought my mom's b/f was actually mine, at which point I had to say, "No...That's YOUR gig, Tiny.")