Sunday, February 24, 2008
Cast Your Bread Upon The Waters
I find myself thinking about being sick this week and trying to pull something good from the experience, like when we took spent matches in Bible school and made them into crosses. There wasn't enough money for real art supplies so we did our best. Being sick, can't get out of bed if you want to ill, gives a soul a lot of time to think and pray. I spent some of it praying for death (Please God, if you do not want me well, take me now), being glad that I was too weak to pick up the guns under my bed meant for intruders but that were looking pretty good, and wondering when the last time was that I spent a day doing absolutely nothing. So I spent some time thinking about the book I'm trying to write, about the structure of it, hoping that something would present itself like a Rorsharch spot and the shapeless would somehow became flesh. It didn't, but I started writing anyway. Two chapters in, I have no idea where it will go. And the control freak part of me is trying to be okay with that.
Sickness means a lot of things, but mostly it means giving up control. You can't do what you want, you can't force your will. All that stuff that was so fucking important and had to be done evaporates into a sea of later or never. You find yourself glad for the little things and happy to be alive when the fever breaks. I'm a little depressed -- it would be hard not to be after such an ordeal. But I have a start on a project that I've longed to start for some bit of time, and I'm back into the world. Some people are never this lucky! The sun is shining in Detroit, which is strange and disturbing, but I suspect I'll get used to the brightness after a bit.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I'd love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. I'd also like just one more hit single." Tiny Tim
Drinking memoir suggestion: Have You Found Her Janice Erlbaum
Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Sunday! Thanks for all the kindness this week -- you guys pulled me through the worst flu of my life! Hope everyone out there is staying well. Still working on the video and hope to have it posted very soon.