Sunday, October 14, 2007

Do Something Different With Your Look

Starting talking to friends about advice I'd been given about men, thinking the strangest was to get a toaster. Men, one of my friends assured me, love toast. My mother had set the groundwork with this little nugget -- Men like change. You have to keep them guessing and do something different with your look. At least change your hairdo. Men get bored easy. As a staid, boring do the same thing over and over type, I couldn't incorporate this advice any more than I could ride a unicycle. I have had the same haircut for years, the same one that all of Ted Bundy's victims had. I grow frantic when my lipstick shades are discontinued -- Dark Side was a real loss. From my laconic dad came this one -- Men don't like rejection. A little abstract, but oh so true. And from my grandmother -- Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave.

Woman sit around and talk about men ad nauseum, advice and all. Put spyware on his computer. Don't let him venture too far out of reach. And a rule that I have tried to stick with over the years, not because of any morality issue, but a practical one which is never live with a man to which you're not married. All of the bad parts of marriage, none of the good. Of course, everyone I know agrees with this one in theory. But no woman I know, myself included, has been able to avoid it at least once. And of course, there's the division of the things at the end, the sense of life sucked out of you, and the hopeless business of starting over. So I guess I can manage that one. I also have a toaster, a small white one that isn't at all like the groovy retro model I'd like. But it makes toast. Of course, I haven't used it yet, but I suppose that's a different matter.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"But I ended up having the ability to appreciate this strangeness I found, an ability to use it for something better." Augusten Burroughs

Cocktail Hour
Drinking tarot card suggestion: Tarot of the Saints Robert M. Place -- This is a great tarot set that uses a lot of the Catholics saints as the major arcana.

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Sunday!


eric1313 said...

"Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave."

Very accurate, but sometimes, young men are slaves in spite of themselves.

Living with people sometimes is all the good parts of a marriage--how many people have we seen talk about how they lived with another for years, but when the wedding shackles were applied, the underlying evil came out.

I suppose it works both ways.

But, if there were well-defined rules to love, things would probably be a whole lot easier, don't you agree?

the walking man said...

The only thing I know about most men in marriage is that they do not want absolute truth, just the portion that makes it not their fault. Blame the cosmos it's easier and big enough to lose the absolute truth in....also most men prefer to discuss things with a chilled glass of Absolut.

And that is the truth.



Cheri said...

I make toast at work for 8 hours and from experience, men do love their toast. But not the ones watching their waistlines.

If I put spyware on my man's computer (my hypothetical man) I really wouldn't want to know everything that he looked at. I look at some strange shit when I'm bored and that could easily be misread (I think it's hilarious to watch videos of idiot kids drinking Ipecac and food coloring and then drinking a gallon of water- after 20 minutes of waiting starts the show).

JR's Thumbprints said...

I'm sure if that lipstick had lead in it, you'd change to something else. As for me, staying with a routine is the key to getting things done.

whitenoise said...

I always chuckle at this sort of advice.... Men come in all shapes and sizes. Turn this around as if someone was providing "all women want xxxx" sort of advice. What works for one probably won't work for the next.

Tim said...

Hey Michelle,
I love this post! Everyone has advice about the opposite sex. I always say the same thing when anyone asks me for advice. I actually stole it from Dabney Coleman on an episode of SNL, but it's seemed so true that I incorporated it as my credo, and that is simply "Women are no damn good". But seriously, I'd personally have to agree with your dad's advice but not your mom's. I don't like women who are changing their hair style or color all the time. Your hair looks just fine the way it is, and as long as you're comfortable with it that's all that matters. To stretch this comment out a lot longer than it should be (sorry), I've come to be able to tell when a woman is tired of her man because she makes a dramatic change in appearance, like losing a lot of weight, or going from looking like a housewife to trampish looking, to attract a new guy.Those are mostly the women who have been married awhile and feel they have to do something dramatic to make that change.
Oh, for the record, I do like toast. :)

eric1313 said...

I was just going to say toast is a good thing!

That, and yeah, internet monitoring will probably torpedo most relationships. ;)

Larry David said...

sometimes a new toaster is just the thing.

robthefob said...


you point your toes together a lot. have you noticed this?

Brian in Mpls said...

You think men are must sit on this side of the fence.

Charles Gramlich said...

I like toast, but I don't like change and I tend not to get bored easily. I've been known to pout when a girlfriend changes her hair style, especially if she cuts it. Mostly I'm kind of big on comfort and having quiet time.