Saturday, August 18, 2007

You're The Woman I Married


My sister watches a diabolical and addictive show called "Ten Years Younger" where a person volunteers to stand in a soundproof glass box while people guess his or her age. Usually, the person is made as ugly and plain as possible, goes through a makeover, and gets put back in the box where people talk about how young and hip he or she looks, usually ten years younger! This formula of battering down the ego (how does it make you feel when that kid said, You look like my mom! You've got that old look! and the woman sniffles and cries), a complete ten day makeover (teeth, skin, hair, clothes -- weirdly the clothes are usually ugly as all get out in the guise of being what one might "really wear," (complete with kind remarks like, "You're arms are fat so you'll want to wear a shawl to cover" which only serves to make the person look like a matron with fat arms), and then an unveiling where you're shown your old bad self and then you get to see your new self. Of course, your family gets to see the new product and ooh and aah. "You're the woman I married," a husband might say. As if the haggard and drawn model was an imposter, someone masquerading as his wife and mother of his children instead of the product of several years in this role.

Everyone loves transformation, and I am no exception. Given that I don't change much (I've worn my hair in the same style since childhood, still wear clothes I had in high school, and generally slop on whatever make-up is at hand), I like the magical aspects of looking different even more. But with no bravery in my soul, you won't see me in some glass box, even if it means getting my teeth fixed for free (at present moment, I'm on my way to writing a Martin Amis type memoir about them), my skin refreshed (a real draw for someone who spent all her early years slathering that well known beauty aide Crisco on it to get a tan), and some advice on how to make my eyes bigger, my nose smaller, my lips fuller. Having ended up in a home economics class during my junior high days for a week before moving to something even more ill-advised (music), I learned a little about making myself look better for my husband, whoever should he be, that living mirror, the prince that would kiss me awake, the man who would take me out of the glass coffin if I didn't have the good sense to never put myself in one in the first place.

Michelle's Spell of the Day
"I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other." Billy Bob Thornton

Cocktail Hour
Drinking movie suggestion: The Bad Seed

Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Saturday!

6 comments:

Jeremy Bentham said...

What's wrong with glass coffins?

Vladimir Lenin said...

Ditto.

the walking man said...

I didn't know what i was watching and caught about ten minutes of that ridiculous piece of crap show. So these people had a ten day makeover and then what...everyday they are supposed to do; spend six hours keeping up the new them. Hardly seems like a reality venue once the camera is turned off.

My old lady could go in that glass box and if she didn't come out looking the same way as when she went in i think I'd have to leave until she reverted back to the woman who every time I look at her she becomes more lovely in my eyes, the only ones that count.

Why does everyone think they have to be something more than they are, physically anyway? What is not wonderful about the way you look kid?

There has to be variety in peoples appearance, how many playboy types have you met who had no deformity somewhere else yet were just as worthwhile? Or fat and not physically charming that didn't ave their beauty somewhere else.

me personally I transform every summer when i take my gas station jacket off and leave it home, because now that the old lady sewed two extra pockets into my leather vest I don't need to wear it year round.

Now about wearing the clothes i had in high school there was this violet pair of hip hugger bell bottoms I had. I wonder where they went now that vintage clothes are back in style?

Cheri said...

great movie choice, the bad seed always makes me happy hahaha.

Charles Gramlich said...

I find these kind of shows really disturbing. I think it's the cruelty that underlies them. And make no mistake, it is cruelty. It's a step away from the arena.

Susan Miller said...

Yep, everyone seems to love transformation....but it rather is the self here and now that it seems more important to adore. For so many that's the hard part.

Damn, I've got to catch up with your writing. You are such a machine with it, and I feel I've missed so much.

Keep going, girl!