Friday, November 03, 2006

My Life, In Switchbacks, Ahead Of Me


I had my past lives read once, when I was ten years old at a psychic fair held at a Ramada Inn with my mother, her friend, and my friend Melissa. The man who read my palm told me many things, the things that everyone wants to hear -- you're a descendant of Cleopatra, you're an old soul, to things that were, shall we say, more esoteric -- you were Frederick Nietzsche's mistress. I'd heard of Nietzsche and thought that was pretty cool until I saw a picture of him a few years later that gave me considerable pause about having sex with him, even in another life. It doesn't surprise me that I chose to have the past read -- my mother gave me five dollars (the largest amount of money I'd ever had up until then!) and told me I could choose between the past and the future. The future room looked a lot more intimidating -- more people milling about, brighter colors, complicated card readings. Even without much past to my life, I felt more comfortable there almost always. Even though I desperately wanted adulthood, I felt sick with each passing year, suffused with a longing that I did not understand, the knowledge that this would never be again exactly as it was and to attempt to hold onto it would only make the feeling more acute.

Since that time, much of what I feared would happen and then some. Even so, I've made the switch to the room of the future -- when I have my cards read, that's where my attention drifts. After all, there's less of it with each passing year, the dream of what is to come gets smaller. The worst dream I ever had involved a baptism in which I came out of it with my face cut into ribbons. In reality, I have been baptized twice -- once in the Brazos River by Brother Buddy (I saw the head of a snake bob by --Satan, I suppose, is never far) and once in the Catholic Church as an adult (no snakes, heated full immersion tank, and Deacon John laughing when he couldn't get me to put my head back). When you are done, you shiver for a long time. After all, your new life awaits. The past, though, is never far behind, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Hell is empty and all the devils are here. " William Shakespeare

Cocktail Hour

Drinking movie suggestion: Faces John Cassavetes

Benedictions and Maledictions

In the news -- in a Jim Bakker-like scandal, Ted Haggard, head of the largest Evangelical group in America, has stepped down because of allegations that he's been having sex and snorting crystal meth with a male escort every month for three years. Haggard admits to at least some of the allegations (the escort has lots of smoking guns -- Haggard's recorded voice asking for meth, sex, etc.). Haggard was one of the most virulent critics of gay marriage, calling sodomy one of the worst sins of all time. All right then. Good to know.

13 comments:

The Quotist said...

Today's "Quote of the Day": When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain.--W.S.

Anonymous said...

Psychic fairs at the Ramada Inn...

Nuff said. ;)

Steve~

JR's Thumbprints said...

I would never choose the past, too much back story. I would much rather concentrate on the future, full throttle ahead & never looking over my shoulder. As for Haggard, is he a right-wing Republican too?

Anonymous said...

The men who hate something or someone are often denying that part of themselves that exists. Look at Foley, now this evangalist. Like so many others before him they self distruct, their duality, the dark side surfaces to be recognized.

Michelle's Spell said...

In answer to your question, Jim, I offer this from Wikipedia: "Haggard is a firm supporter of President George W. Bush, and is often credited with rallying evangelicals behind Bush during the 2004 election. Author Jeff Sharlet reports that Haggard "talks to... Bush or his advisers every Monday" and opines that "no pastor in America holds more sway over the political direction of evangelicalism."

paul said...

Mighty Isis
Deserted highway shadowscross
shades
fortheunkonwn
warmth
R2 C2!

Bird on a Wire said...

Love the picture!

Laura said...

I don't much go in for all that palm reading hoopla. I just think about the past and dream of what the future may hold.

Sheila said...

My problem is that I worry so much about the past things that have happened. Sometimes this causes anxiety attacks and it seems silly to worry about stuff that you can not change. I let the past consume me... I'm working on that...

Love the picture! Your hair is gorgeous.

Wichita-Lineman said...

Thats a great picture. The shadow of a cross I think. Goes great with the post which reminded me of a crossroad, the past, the future. I don't care for the past much either, quite a few demons, but you never know how many demons still await.

JR's Thumbprints said...

I agree with Witchita-Lineman about your photo. (Seems blogger is down today.) Also, thanks for answering my question, which, by the way, did not surprise me one bit. But let's not criticize Haggard too much, he finally did admit to purchasing crystal meth from his buddy, but he claims to have thrown it away. I guess he'll go into further detail when his back is firmly pressed against the wall.

Michelle's Spell said...

Hey Jim,

I always agree that it's best not to rush to judgment, but I have loathed the man for a long time not because he has bought drugs and probably paid for sex or having secrets and lying, but because he's a huge force for the uberconservative right wing and has been instrumental in helping pass terribly restrictive abortion laws and keeping gay marriage as a hot button issue for GWB, hence helping him win the election. The man is brilliant and evil (not GW, obviously given my first word, but Ted). I suspect he's headed for a Flannery O'Connor type fall. But hey, at least Christianity posits the hope of redemption!

Midrash said...

We do know what happened to Sodom and we'll know what Saddam gets tomorrow.