The Future's Uncertain and the End Is Always Near

When I was in high school, there was a weird little dude who used to get tanked up on nobody knows what and hit the Jack in the Box and the Sonic in various states of inebriation, stand on the tables, and yell, I am the fucking Lizard King. This sad homage to Jim Morrison would continue until one of the teenagers behind the counter called Johnny Law to take him out. The Lizard King of Mineral Wells was no Morrison -- instead of the leather pants, he had some ripped up Toughskins (harder to get the chicks with that look!) and a complexion that resembled the surface of the moon from a bad case of cystic acne. Sometimes he'd go shirtless, but it wasn't the real Lizard King's shirtless, it was more like I'm auditioning for an extra in the concentration camp scenes shirtless. I'd hang out at these places myself on weekend nights -- Sonic being the home of tater tots and all things good and holy and Jack in the Box was a place of intrigue ever since a high school girl shot another girl in the foot with her daddy's rifle in their bathroom. Such were the days of our lives.

I kind of wished the Lizard King wasn't so touched and could include some Morrison lyrics in his performance to make it a little zippier. Lots of kids in high school had the paperback that listed every Doors song and it was guarded with the kind of attention one might reserve for a first edition Blake or at least the good sex scenes in The Godfather. I never got into The Doors with the kind of love that I had for, say, Bobby Dylan or the Gap Band. There were songs, though, that worked in a hypnotic way and lyrics that you didn't have to have the book to know -- the future's uncertain and the end is always near. The valedictorian of our class quoted that at graduation which thrilled me a thousand times more than some inspirational card shit might. When the mysterious tarot reader in the picture approached me in a bar, I thought of the lyric and said, why not? He asked no questions, there was no small talk, save for asking my name. He read the cards in a lovely mild Russian accent, and I was floored at the accuracy. After the reading, my mind drifted back to those long ago days when "Twin Peaks" was on television. I felt as if I'd stepped into the show. Would the Lizard King appear, twenty years older, two thousand miles from my hometown? I was beginning to think he might.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Come away with me and we will live on a desert island, he said./ I said, I am a desert island." Margaret Atwood

Drinking Music Selection for the Day: Say It Live and Loud, Live In Dallas -- James Brown

Benedictions and Maledictions

In answer to Trouble Man's flower question:

First, I never think flowers are cliche. I love flowers and most (not all, but most) women I know do as well. Even if the woman you're sending them to doesn't love them, she'll appreciate the gesture and let you know what she prefers in the future. But for the sake of argument, let's say she loves flowers. What kind of flowers should you send? I'll say right off that there is no bad flower. I've never received an arrangement that I didn't love. But some people are pickier so you should try to cater the flowers to the woman's personality. Roses are beautiful (some of them don't last long) and classic -- red is the symbol of love. I adore roses given that they are also related to St. Theresa, the Little Flower, but some people might feel red roses are too intense early on so you might go with another color -- yellow for friendship, purple for love at first sight, salmon for respect, pink for infatuation. I'm also a fan of roses so red they look black -- this type is called Midnight Magic. If the woman in question is more unusual, you might go for another flower -- orchids are gorgeous (and expensive), a lily arrangement is beautiful and tends to last longer than other flowers, tulips are very spring-like and innocent, daisies are very youthful and lovely. Some people would say to stay clear of carnations (the "filler" flower) and mums (too funeral-like). I like both those flowers, but I see the sense of that advice. My feeling is that whatever you send will be happily received. I send my friends flowers for birthdays and sometimes just because if I know they like them, and they always seem to arrive when the person needs them the most. I credit St. Theresa for that phenomenon. If anybody wants to add more on this subject on the comment boards, please feel free!