Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Sound of Your Own Voice

The difference between perception and reality may never be so great as when one is watching karaoke. This sad sadistic art form came about during my life, although I am relieved to say that I made it through my painful high school years without hearing so much as a word about it. I come to this with a severe disadvantage, of course, being that I have a horrible voice, singing (especially) and speaking, and hearing myself recorded pains me. Nobody, I suppose, likes the sound of their own voice, save for a few of my exes -- kidding! For the most part, life has been good in this respect -- I have watched karoake with varying degrees of wonder and horror -- the best was an eastern european man who dressed in a white suit and did a great Sinatra, down to the gestures and facial tics. He performed six of Old Blue Eye's best before giving up the stage. There's not much to say about the worst -- you can imagine it and like the old detective writer says about the worst, it's far darker than you can imagine and someone is always willing to give you money for it.

Karoake, much like Halloween, is a chance to be a different more thrilling self which explains why people flip through the thick songbooks of possibilities with the intensity most often seen while taking an SAT or GRE. I overheard a girl once say, It has to be perfect for me. Huh? It seems an unlikely venue for perfection -- an indifferent crowd, lyrics streaming in front of you on a prompter, the cheesy backdrop music. I understood, though, that this was a defining moment, late in the evening. The person who might do Joplin's "Ball and Chain" was a considerably different girl than one who might sing Madonna's "Lucky Star." I've been asked to do karoake once years ago-- by the wife of someone who was trying to get me to consider an affair. She had a determined way and kept battering me and a couple other people to back her up on the Stones' "Ruby Tuesday." Did she know the secret desires of her husband's heart? I felt pressured, given it was late in the evening, I was into my cups, but not far enough, and knew all the words to that particular song. Who doesn't? I got up on stage and sang as loud as I could. Afterward she said, You might be pretty, but you sing for shit. People agreed after that I should be a tambourine girl should I ever decide to take the stage again.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Then my friend offered me a drink for us to share /And that was all that I needed." The White Stripes


1 glass of champagne
2 ounces of cranberry juice

Serve chilled, garnished with a slice of lemon.

Benedictions and Maledictions

In answer to Trouble Man about where to take dates in Detroit:

I'd say that there are lots of good restaurants -- Mosaic (for atmosphere -- very Sex and the City with a beautiful bar), any of the Greek restaurants in Greektown, Spago (in Windsor) for Italian food and great service to start. I'll add to this list every week until I exhaust all the possibilities. Also, I'll write an entry on date ideas. Anyone who has a start to this, please feel free to comment. Jason, I'm dwelling on your Halloween curse. I'm going to figure out a way for you to have better Halloweens as this is a serious issue.


Anonymous said...

We had a lot of sing a longs in my grade shcool. "Who threw the overhauls in Mrs. Murphy's Chowder?" just floored me. So funny. But seriously, my brothers first wife was the karyoke leader at Wooly Bully's in Detroit. Nuff said. Moving on, my Jewish eye doctor married a beautiful Filipino Karyoke leader and then he converted to her religion, Roman Catholicism. But he found out she already was married and was kind of one of those polgamists and so he got divorced(I think) and went back to being a damn good bagel doctor, I mean Jewish optonotryst. Nope, never been to a Carryoaky. Took the GRE specialized test in lit., though. U-M wouldn't take me. Cantcha tell.

bonnie said...

I've been catching up and adore your writing and pictures of the past weeks. The latest is mysterious and darling, you have a memorable vocal style that all the boys (and many of the girls) love. The Karaoke obsessions of "J" and "K" were simply horror shows better kept under their beds or in their closets, and I know you'd agree. kiss kiss Bon

Anonymous said...

Interesting post! Don't let husbands fool ya, wives are usually a whole lot smarter than they're given credit for! Love the angle of the photo! Cheers, R

Jason said...

Awww.. Thanks!

John Ricci said...

Dear Michelle,
Another lovely post and mystery view of you, as always. I like your suiggestions and would add Mon Jin Lau in Troy (Maple Road) and any of thet Tom's Oyster Bars. Oslo downtown is small but worth the wait. Add wildflowers and champagne for a dining complete experience. Karaoke disturbs me, I must say. But your writing never does and for that, Bravo!

JR's Thumbprints said...

Karaoke belongs in a bowling alley bar and nowhere else.

I've never liked the sound of my own voice on a loud speaker, but I've learned to talk real slow and deliberate--kind of like my writing at times.

Wichita-Lineman said...

Karoake. I've had a few spot light moments. Were they good, that remains to be seen. The last time was a little bar up north during the forth of July this year. I was with some friends of mine, and earlier that day I played and sang (oddly enough for this post) "I can tell we're gonna be friend," by the White Stripes on my guitar. Everyone loved it and made me play it 3 more times that day. Later that night, after a drinking game we went to the bar where they signed me up to sing "Fell In Love With A Girl" by again, The White Stripes. Anyway, My friends youngest brother was in town and one of his buddies (very Gay) must have developed a crush on me. He was constantly getting close, wanted to dance, ect. While I was reading the teleprompter and singing, he came up to me and simulated giving me a blow job. I never even noticed because I was trying not to mess up the song, which has quick lyrics, eyes glued to the screen. Oh yeah, he was wearing a moped helmet when he did it, no lie. My wife got it all on Video.

Anonymous said...

Get a load of that foxy Anomaly's wish list. Can't believe a fox like that doesn't have a sugar daddy. Not playing her cards right. Should be in a Viper, at least.

Sheila said...

I love karyoke! Well I just love to sing... in the shower, car, into a mic. it doesn't matter. Just yesterday I bought karyoke revolution for my gamecube. Now I can sing in the privacy of my bedroom to try and unlock characters, outfits, new songs, and trophys!!