Saturday, June 24, 2006
When I lived in Detroit proper, I stayed up late almost every night and watched the street through my window while I typed at my computer, my office being a corner area off what some might call a sitting room. Television sets glowed blue throughout the night, and I could see right into the house across the street so clearly that I could make their wall art, the most notable piece being the famous poster of Black Panther Huey Newton in a wicker chair holding a machine gun. I'd been mildly obsessed with the Panthers throughout my youth and my favorite birthday card ever (which I received on my 18th birthday) had a picture of Wally and Beaver from "Leave It To Beaver" and Elridge Cleaver standing between them. Inside it read, "Happy Birthday from the Cleavers."
I've always liked guns (blame that on Texas if you will) and sometimes I'd sleep with one underneath a nearby pillow if nobody else was in the house. I could reach out in the middle of the night and touch the cold metal and feel better even though I knew statistically that the gun in your house was far likelier to hurt you than anybody else. The nights were long under such circumstances and sometimes I'd wake up and drift from room to room, wondering where I was, catch a glimpse of myself in one of the many windows and startle, as if I'd seen a ghost.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"Never under any circumstance give a nervous woman a pistol." James Thurber
A television show that require heavy drinking:
Beverly Hills 90210 -- The suspension of disbelief required to imagine that Ian Ziering is in high school while looking 38 and suffering from a receeding hairline makes this a hard drinking show from the get go. Add to that fact that the "kids" stay at California University for at least eight years without taking any courses and you really have to guzzle. Still, you find yourself peversely engaged and hating yourself for it. On a serious note, God rest Aaron Spelling's soul who created it and died today.
Benedictions and Maledictions
To Hopeless in Bloomfield Hills:
Your situation sounds tremendously difficult. Robin's smart observation on the comment board is an excellent jumping off point -- why should your married boyfriend change his behavior? He's lucky enough to have someone to support him (his wife) and someone to love him (you). It might require some work and compartmentalization for him, but it's a pretty good deal as far as deals go. For change to happen, a person has to be running from something or running to something. My advice (and nobody ever likes this advice so don't worry if you cringe at first) is to tell him you need a month to sort things out in which you won't be able to see him. If this man has an addictive-like sway over you, this will be mighty hard. But it will give you a sense of what your life would be like without him (you might be surprised at how much better you feel) and it will most certainly make him miss you. At any rate, you'll get some perspective and power over the situation that you don't have right now. If he loves you and you have the strong bond that you purport, then he'll decide that maybe it's best to give up the wife and give life with you a try. A month (maybe start this at the beginning of July) feels like forever -- but it's not. Hold yourself to it and tell yourself that you can always go back to the way things were at the end if that's what you really want. During this month, rent all the movies and read all the books you can on the subject to keep yourself from calling him or having any contact. Start with Woody Allen's Matchpoint. I'll have more suggestions as the month continues and anybody who wants to can chime in on the comment board!