Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Let Yourself Go


My mother was forever offering congratulations to overweight women. She'd cheerfully ask, When are you due? and inevitably get a blush or a stammer until one day a woman said, I'm not pregnant, just fat in the bluntest most unapologetic tone possible. That was the end of that line of questioning. People let themselves go, she'd say, shaking her head. It sounded great to me, although I didn't understand what she meant. Letting myself go meant that I would worry about anything and I thought if I stopped worrying that either my world would dissolve like ice on Texas cement or that I would die. Not that I was dramatic or anything.

In high school, one of my close friends had one green eye, one blue, like a cat, and blonde hair that she styled like Robert Smith of The Cure. She'd also taken Robert's rather cavalier attitude toward lipstick application to heart. Robin often told me that I was a fucking control freak, that I needed to loosen up. I got her point, although coming from someone who not infrequently found herself naked after a blackout with her car keys nestled between her breasts. Robin terrified me, not because of her drug proclivities, but because she saw into my cramped and worried soul and the truth is always scarier than pot laced with PCP. I did have my time to repay that favor. One day she lost her car keys at school (noy thinking ahead about storing them somewhere safe!) and I had to drive her home in my huge boat of a Grenada. She'd been having a pretty intense LSD trip all day and when she got in the car went into a panic. It was raining, I hadn't been driving long, and didn't really care about things like signals or stoplights. I was behind the wheel and for once, no one was in control or even pretending to be.

Michelle's Spell of the Day

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special." Chris Rock

Charlie Brown's After-Dinner Drink

1 part rum
1 part coffee liqueur

Serve as a shot.

Benedictions and Maledictions

The Private Possession of Dangerous Reptiles

The cost, well, prohibitive.
Like most things, people don’t
understand the need. But once
a man named Garland brought
my mother a rattlesnake on a string
leash in a box lid. She put the snake
in the deep freeze where it lived for
weeks, among the loaves of Wonder
Bread, only its eyes telling me it
was alive, trying to exist on its weight
alone, like so many people I know.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Today's triple-header "Quote of the Day": #1: The green and peaceful pastures of the Earth were forged out of the violent alchemy of galactic and stellar evolution. The point of the alchemical process is not to attain a state of blissful perfection in which the warring opposites finally come to rest, for such a state of ideal peace would be no different than death. To long for such a state is a desire to remove oneself from the world of creative change and becoming.--David Fideler;#2: Deep peace of the Running Wave to you. Deep peace of the Flowing Air to you. Deep peace of the Quiet Earth to you. Deep peace of the Shining Stars to you. Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you.--Gaelic blessing;#3: Abundantly yet, if not to say, magnanimously splendiferous--Dr. Irwin Corey.

Anonymous said...

Today's 2nd "Quote of the Day": Don't worry. Be happy.--B. Marley

Anonymous said...

Re the frozen snake poem: "...like so many people I know." Well, how did they get in the ice box, anyways, Miss speaker of the poem?

John Ricci said...

Dear Michelle,

Lovely post, as always. Do you know what ever happened to your friend Robin from high school? Seems she was on the fast track for self-destruction. I hope not.
On your post and poem, Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Am I dreaming, or did Robin ask me, "suspicious of what?" re the Jane Robert's poem she cited in tribute to me. If I'm not dreaming, the ending gets to me the most--"...joyously furious"--as I recall. I'd be more comfy with "furiously joyous." But maybe it's just me.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute. Michelle, you're on your hands and knees. You're not begging for something, are you? Please send an imaginative(not expository--although the distinction can be very blurry)message via the spell ASAP. Yours, AP.

Anonymous said...

Of course, I meant to say, "an imaginative message about whether or not you are beggging for something and, more importantly, what that something is," in my previous post.--Yours, AP (P.S. Robin will think this is all a bit much, but let's pretend she's taken the day auf.)

Anonymous said...

No, I take back my previous two posts. Michelle, what you need to do is say, in the EXPOSITORY MODE, whether or not you are bagging for something and, specifically, what that something is. That way, there will be no room for interpretation. That way, we can all line up to give it to you.--Yours, AP

Anonymous said...

Of course, I meant to say, "begging" for something in my previous post. Yours, AP (Did Robin say anything about being obsessive? Wasn't that U.P.'s issue? Never mind.)

Anonymous said...

Have you got on clown makeup?

R's Musings said...

Interesting gal, this Robin; reminds me of Clare & her friends on Six Feet Under. We just finished the whole series! The most disturbing episode to me was David's carjacking in Season 4--that was also "scarier than pot laced with PCP." Hope you've been "letting yourself go" in a good way, enjoying your summer! Cheers, R

Wichita-Lineman said...

Another fasinating poem. Creepy. Poor Charlie Brown. Now getting knock down by Chris Rock. I've always loved Charlie Brown, especially the Christmas special. It was one of the few primetime cartoons of it's time to feature both on Santa Claus and Religion. And the only one that focused on the fact that, Yes, people get depressed around Christmas.
The song from the cartoon "Christmas Time is Here" always makes me happy and sad at the same time. Strange.

Sheila said...

Poor fucking charlie brown... one day... one day he'll show them! hehe I absolutely love this post today michelle. I had a friend kind of like Robin in school... she is a year younger than me.. just had a kid with one of her dads friends who is not yet divorced and has his own five year old... oh yeah and she's pregnant again with another one of his kids... I hope your robin is doing better. do you still ever talk to her?

paul said...

O Mighty Isis, bummer. Those drugs and snakes give me the willies. I need another drink now
R2 C2!

Jason said...

I have owned two, yes 2 Ford Granada's in my life time. Both huge pieces of shit.

Anonymous said...

Charlie Brown could've been a superstar, if only he'd been weaned off of Wonder Bread.

Anonymous said...

Always try to go for grainy breads.

Anonymous said...

Charlie Brown should've faked his own death. Would've really freaked Snoopy out.

Anonymous said...

Faking his own death could've paved the way for a Charlie Brown Easter Special: The Resurrection of Charlie Brown.

Anonymous said...

Faking his own death could've paved the way for a Charlie Brown Easter Special: The Resurrection of Charlie Brown.

Anonymous said...

Snoopy could be his disciple.