Hi everyone! Mark is right as usual -- computer update is needed. Tandy just isn't cutting it anymore. Ha! I'm always on the edge of technology, early adapting like crazy. My reader question for today -- I read an article on how marriage is obsolete based on the experiences of a woman in her forties with a young child who is getting a divorce. The article suggests there is an epidemic of sexless, joyless relationships. My theory is a lot of this unhappiness is based on what I call the "Le Creuset" fantasy. Basically, you spend more time accumulating crap for your perfect life than tending to it and wake up with a lot of expensive stuff and no happiness. What do you guys think? I'll write a longer post tomorrow addressing comments and ideas. Hope you're surviving July, a cruel month if there ever was one.
10 comments:
How young is the child getting a divorce?
It's just a matter of knowing how to handle all the crap. And for me, with my bad back and all the golf I play, it's a matter of "Le Corset."--D. Trump
I had to search Le Crouset before I understood.
That is a pretty fucked up way to live and so very much 80's greed is good and the more toys the more joys.
Personally I know any two people can make a marriage work and that there will be periods of abuses and loves within that marriage. But if the bond survives that, both the abuse and the love then there is a something as yet undefined by words that develops.
Poets try to describe it and fall short, science tries to explain it and never comes close.
If a relationship is sexless and joyless then it never really was a relationship in the first place was it. Relationships are growing living things...sex is simply fucking, sometimes with great passion other times just looking for some release...it may aid in the same way a rain dance may aid but it ain't the rain now is it.
Joy...comes and goes...so does pain...so it isn't a good basis for a relationship either.
No we don't have sex anywhere near what we did when we were kids and hell truth be told it isn't as good either; but then the old lady and me never defined our relationship by our sexual or lack of sexual, appetite so that is a moot point with us.
We don't define it by the kids and how they do or don't do and we don't define it by the shit we have or don't have. Where we live or don't live.
I think we define our marriage which is on the downward slope of it's third decade as something else.
the only word I can come up with to define it is history. We have a history and like all history we each see it in our own way and we have accepted it and have found that in the acceptance of it we still get along pretty goddamn good for two old fuckers.
I tell my son and his girlfriend that the rule is you must say three nice things to your significant other every day. Lana and I do a couple of hundred but we just goofy that way.
You're right, it's a lack of maintenance, of putting the effort into the relationship to make it work. People always want to be served.
That's a big fear I have going into my marriage. One day she's going to wake up and be annoyed at the kids, hate my ever expanding gut, and realize she hasn't been fucked the way she wants for the pest few decades.
No amount of pre-planning, communication, promise and commitment can prepare you for that day. What are the warning signs? We are best friends, so I figure that's the best start. And even if it went down in flames, I don't think I'd regret all the investment I've put in.
Michelle,
Any relationship requires work...friends, lovers, family. 'Stuff' doesn't make it any easier.
July has been a cruel month so far, especially today. Hope your day was better, and yor week goes well. take care, Darlin'!
One must except the other as they are. None of this bullshit,lets say ,OH I will make him quit smoking,ETC. You know all of the bullshit younger people think they can change.
You get rid of that fucking dog or I'M going to leave. Shit baby, I had the fucking dog before you and it will be here after you, with that attitude.
One must be happy and able to stand on their own two feet,you have to like yourself in general,sure there may be some things we would all change about our selves,but I don't think a person can dwell on that kind of stuff without wearing on the other person. Doe's this dress make my butt look bigger ? Not that again,hell baby look in the fucking mirror,it will tell you all you need to know without starting a fight.
Things change. The wirlwind romance stuff died years ago. Nothing wrong with the wife here on this end ,but now it is a few beers just to fall asleep at night.
Sad, depressed,bored,the same old stuff again.What the hell that is life,we should consider ourselves lucky to have found someone willing to put up with our individual bullshit. 10 years now and we still have not really had a fight yet,don't ask me about lack of voting,thats another story.
But at last my beer is empty,eyelids getting heavy,sleepy time coming on.
I don't any other writer could have said it more eloquently than Mark.
I don't know how much time you spend listening to him,but he offers a lot of wisdom to those who will listen. Take care,hope I run into you someday.
We, as a society, are addicted to new, to fresh, to different. Does your 5 year-old car turn your crank as much as the new Mustang in your photo? There's an element of that in any relationship.
Maturity is getting past that feeling, of accepting that a long-term love trades off excitement for respect and stability. It's not easy.
I think some people, myself included, simply get married too young.
In your early twenties, you don't really know who you are yet. You have an idea of who you think you want to be, or better, who you think you can be... much less how to manage a "lifelong" committment to another.
Often, you end up causing irreparable damage as you try and figure life out.
I know dozens of friends who are pretty much together "for the kids," and aren't very happy with each other any more.
I feel fortunate I never had kids, and my ex and I were able to shake hands and part amicably, as friends.
Here I am getting married again, a little older, hopefully a little wiser, and with a much better understanding of how to function in a relationship.
Michelle, for me, the first (one minute! marriage, I was too young and had no life skills. I could not and would not compromise on anything. This made most things impossible.
What I've learned is that, for me, respecting each others individualality as well as commonality is what it takes. But basically, I see the sexualization of our society makeing traditional marriage less needed.
We are two totally different creatures and it is like pounding a square peg into a round hole. I love these brides needing all that shit to start out with. Usually the wedding is a fundraiser, and with a 50/50 chance going in, I hate indulging that wish list. But what can I say? I am old and very jaded....
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