The new year has begun in earnest. The Mayan calendar suggests this could be it, so I'd better get to work in doing whatever I need to do to as the great Tim Gunn says, to make it work. I just read my dear friend Laura's blog on her new year's resolutions (check it out -- http://laurabenedict.blogspot.com/) and got inspired in terms of thinking about change. Now I've always contended that change is difficult, Paul on the road to Damascus type stuff. The fact that the Bible itself posits change as a miracle gives me pause. Even so, I can say that time itself has changed me. Best changes over the last decade -- less worry, less guilt, better health habits, less concern over what people think about me. The last one is a great liberation. As Ray Drecker said on the great (now cancelled -- WAAH) Hung, "When you're young, you spend all your time worrying about what other people think about you. That's the great thing about getting older. You don't care what other people think about you. Fuck that. It's what you think of yourself that matters."
I used to be so afraid of looking stupid it was hard to actually learn anything. Do you know what I mean? I fooled myself into thinking I knew more than I did, that shallow knowledge was good enough, that if I admitted how little I understood about how certain things worked, I'd look foolish. Waste. Of. Time. Epic waste of time. Death to good writing. Now I start at the beginning. Beginnings are good. And you can begin anywhere. So this year I give myself permission to look stupid. I do it anyway so I might as well enjoy it. And I think I might actually get somewhere.
Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Wednesday!
4 comments:
Oh Darling. Wisdom from the bible as well as the yummy lips of Ray Drecker (sigh). It's easy to nod and let shit skim over and much harder to admit that my blank look is for real. But we are all growing, right? I know you are! Love you and can't wait to see you. xo
Except you look MAHVELOUS when you look stupid...so much MAHVELOUS that no one sees the stupid PD.
I'm slowly coming around to that way of thinking. I look pretty stupid a lot of time anyway, but I'm not trying to. I should just give in and let it go. It will anyway. In fact, I guess my blog post today is kind of about that.
When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
--1 Corinthians 13:11
You just turned 40! I myself am turning 40 this year (for the 14th time.) Welcome to the world of Generativity vs. Stagnation!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development#Care:_Generativity_vs._Stagnation_.28Middle_Adulthood.2C_40_to_65_years.29
We move away from the more self-centered crap of Intimacy vs. Isolation (do I fit in? Does anybody love me?)and toward how we can help the next generation. What mark are we going to make on the world before we move on?
It's a whole different way of thinking!
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