I once told a friend's boyfriend that he should go ahead and kill himself if he didn't want to live, that he should put himself out of our collective misery. Later that night, I feared I'd been a little harsh. My father had been dead for two weeks, and I was a little on edge, thinking about all the jerks who lived forever and guzzling the truly excellent margaritas at Joe T. Garcias, possibly the best Mexican restaurant on earth. It was my friend's birthday and the boyfriend showed up, talking about how he hated living and wished he'd been born when he could ride the earth on a horse or fight a war, a popular war, not like Vietnam, but something like on Band of Brothers. Those television wars are always a cozier alternative than a real one, right? Given my rather nonconfrontational nature, I almost let this go, but he pushed on, saying that he should do himself in because he was a waste of flesh. Yes, I said, a death gleam in my eye. The planet has limited resources. I think you should. Die.
So I lost my shot at working for a suicide hotline, I see that now. And some points in Heaven given that I tried to spit on him as he walked by my chair on his way to the bar. The perfect little girl I'd been had died with my dad and if that douchebag wanted a war, I'd be glad to provide him one. I never saw this person again, though. My friend and he broke up. She started dating a man I adore, for whom I have endless respect. The new boyfriend did see my nemesis, though. They talked for a little while in the way of men who have nothing but a woman in common do. My name got brought up. Everyone liked me except the one who lives in Detroit. That city does bad things to a person, the old boyfriend said. The new one laughed. She loves me. It's always good to know someone from Detroit, he told him. You never know when you're going to need the firepower.
Michelle's Spell of the Day
"People are all I take seriously. Therefore, I have nothing but sympathy for how people behave - and nothing but laughter to console them with." John Irving
Cocktail Hour
Drinking art criticism book: The Coming Apocalypse Greg Bottoms
Benedictions and Maledictions
Happy Monday!
I tried very hard to like and to have people like me when I was on the radio. Why anyone would want to snatch my body parts is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteMr. Hurly wasn't really a problem.
ReplyDeleteThat photo looks familiar, Michelle.
ReplyDeleteWe all say things that maybe we shouldn't at times. Once in grad school I was at a party. I was a third year biopsych student then and was so "SICK" of having people ask me to analyze them or if I were anyalyzing them, or if I'd tell them what their dreams meant. After a girl asked me what I did and I stated, very clearly, biological psychology, she said in a giggly tone, "I be your analyzing me right now aren't you?" to which I replied, "no, sorry, you aren't interesting enough to be analyzed." I've never quite forgiven myself for that.
ReplyDeleteallstares cookie...
ReplyDeleteIf you want people to like you on the radio, I got it down man.
since the meds, its all good...
I say stupid shit all the time. Especially here recently!!
ReplyDeleteBeing from the Detroit area, it cracks me up to hear the comment the old boyfriend had made - That city does things.... - LOL! It's funny how much being from Detroit can scare some people!
I love your photos!
What the fuck, did you spit at him and miss or just think about it? I always tell people who act or say they want to commit suicide to go ahead but I reserve my funeral clothes only for them that I liked while they were alive.
ReplyDeleteThe one time I didn't and I told you that story it turned out I was committing a social suicide.
I have lived or gravitated back to the city, not the burbs, and lived her by my own inexact count 48 years, lived through the city's changes from what it was to what it is and I will tell you this, a newbie here better change quick.
Because since '67 and the Black revolution, the war between the police and the citizens, and the change over from a white city to a black one you better have your shit in one bag and be ready with it.
Mostly because those of us who live here don't give much of a good goddamn about them who don't live here because we know they have it better and it will always be that away but this is our turf.
And just like when the Highwaymen and the Vigilantes went to war(mid 60's) there was a clear winner. The Highwaymen lost most of their income producing shit like the two topless bars they owned the two bars they had on Gratiot which got firebombed. (kind of bummed me out I used to like to drink with them there)it marginalized them and the Vigilantes got the drug, gun running and prostitution supremacy they went to war over.
But even now in Detroit as you can see from their fortress of a clubhouse even they have marginalized themselves and walled their compound off from the real Detroit.
If you are really a Detroiter there is two truths you know for a certainty, you could die easily at anytime, and if people from somewhere else don't like what you say fuck 'em. That's Detroit, real Detroit reality. No one who lives here doesn't know at least one probably ore than that people who have died by random stupid shit gun violence.
So if someone who doesn't like their life and wants to end it, go right the fuck ahead and I would never have a regret on calling their bluff because obviously the asshole in the restaurant was full of shit, he was still alive to have the aforementioned conversation.
That is Detroit attitude for real and i don't lose points in heaven for being from Detroit, hell i may even have gained a few for being here.
correction The highwaymen/Vigilante wr was mid '80's
ReplyDeleteI don't mess around with suicide. I've lost several people in my life to it and if someone was to say that to me I'd probably give them the same shit. Of course, I need to give it to myself for all the times that I've said that I've wanted to die. Hah! Cheri, you asshole!
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteOne thing about drinking i really don't miss,
Are the bastards whose courage came with alcohols kiss. " me "
So forgive this long comment, but it is Bob Dylan who said what is true about all war.
WITH GOD ON OUR SIDE
Bob Dylan (1963)
Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Midwest
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on its side.
Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on its side.
Oh the Spanish-American
War had its day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With guns in their hands
And God on their side.
Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out its fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side.
When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side.
I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side.
But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side.
In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side.
So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.
You tried to spit on him...is it wrong that this visual made me laugh. He didn't do it and you needed to lash out due to the pain.
ReplyDelete